Now Reading
Understanding the Highly Sensitive Person

Understanding the Highly Sensitive Person

highly sensitive person

The following article was written by my husband who is a well-respected individual within the HSP Community on and off the internet.  I work almost exclusively with HSP’s because I understand them, and I speak their “language” — I am Highly Sensitive Person.

The Highly Sensitive Person

by Peter Messerschmidt and Sarah Sydney Nash

“I am a Highly Sensitive Person.”

Today, I can publicly make such a statement and not feel embarrassed or brace for an onslaught of eye rolling or snide comments from the people around me. However, it wasn’t always so.

Sensitivity — emotional or otherwise — is not exactly a new concept to the world. Nor was it new when research psychologist Dr. Elaine N. Aron published the book “The Highly Sensitive Person” in 1996. What Aron’s book did do was to shed some new light on a trait that affects a large number of people, by asking the world to consider sensitivity as an inherent physical trait, rather than pathology.

Although more than fifteen years have passed—and the book has offered profound personal insights to hundreds of thousands of people—there remains a fair amount of skepticism of sensitivity as a “trait.” Interestingly enough, some of this skepticism can be found in the very people who are HSPs, themselves. Such skepticism can very likely be attributed to a broader trend in our society to “medicalize” or “pathologize” many personality characteristics that previously were regarded as falling within the realm of normal human experience.

 

So what exactly IS a Highly Sensitive Person?

Dr. Aron’s research suggests that approximately 15-20% of the population fit the description of being “Highly Sensitive.” HSPs– by her definition– are people whose brains and central nervous systems are wired in such a way that they are more acutely aware of, and attuned to, themselves, other people, and their environment. As a result, a highly sensitive person is more easily stimulated and aroused by their surroundings, from which it follows that they also get more readily over aroused than most people. This sensitivity is an inborn trait which– interestingly enough– researchers have also observed in animal populations ranging from deer to octopi.




Of course, the immediate picture that comes to mind when most people hear the term highly sensitive is the stereotype of the “fragile flower” that’s overly fussy, difficult to be around and gets their feelings hurt at the drop of a hat. Whereas this kind of emotional sensitivity can certainly be part of being an HSP, it is by no means what “defines” the trait.

High Sensitivity varies considerably from person to person and manifests in many different ways. Yes, getting one’s feelings hurt easily might be one part of the picture. But there is much more. HSPs are often very sensitive to pain and frequently respond to much lower doses of medications than most people. They tend to be easily startled and are often overwhelmed by loud sensory inputs. They tend to be cautious and highly conscientious. They are easily shaken up and distressed by changes, and don’t do well in “multitasking” situations. They are often negatively affected by loud noises, strong scents, and smells, or bright lights. They tend to be “cooperative,” rather than “competitive.” They get easily rattled in stressful situations and generally perform poorly when being watched. Many are empaths and frequently “pick up moods” from other people; quite a few are gifted with a range of psychic abilities. Almost all rely heavily on intuition both to learn and to function in life. Even when extraverted, they tend to be introspective, have rich inner lives, and need extended periods of time alone to “recharge.” HSPs also are disproportionately drawn to the arts and music and tend to be very easily moved to tears by expressions of beauty and intensity, as well as images of horror and violence.

If some of this sounds like you, or someone you know, you might consider looking at this free self-test for sensitivity, on Dr. Aron’s website, at: www.hsperson.com

 

What is a Highly Sensitive Person, Not?

A Highly Sensitive Person is not, by definition, “an introvert.” Whereas the trait does have a high correlation with introversion, approximately 30% of HSPs are extraverts.




A Highly Sensitive Person is not “a shy person.” Shyness is widely recognized as being an issue centered on self-perception– typically excessive self-consciousness, irrationally negative self-evaluation, and irrationally negative self-preoccupation. People are not born shy, and psychologists have established that there is really no “sense of self” prior to ages 12-18 months. As such, you can’t really be born shy.

A Highly Sensitive Person is not “socially anxious.” Social Anxiety is a mental/emotional disorder, typically the result of some kind of emotional trauma or ongoing condition that makes social situations particularly difficult for that individual. Social Anxiety revolves around fears while being a Highly Sensitive Person relates to nervous system arousal levels. It should be noted, however, that because Highly Sensitive Persons tend to be both introspective and more attuned to social stimuli, they are somewhat more likely to encounter—and negatively internalize— situations that may lead to subsequently developing Social Anxiety.

A Highly Sensitive Person is not, by definition, “neurotic.” This is perhaps the most difficult aspect of the HSP trait to explain since– after all– the word “neurotic” is directly linked to nervous system disorders, and being highly sensitive relates to the nervous system. So we must keep in mind how we define neuroses: A non-psychotic mental illness that triggers feelings of distress and anxiety and generally results in impaired functioning. One way to distinguish is to remember that neuroses center around pathological responses, while sensitivity represents healthy/normal (albeit possibly extreme) responses.

A Highly Sensitive Person is not a person with Asperger’s Disorder (formerly Asperger’s Syndrome). Whereas there is a number of overlaps between the diagnostic criteria for Asperger’s (a form of high-functioning autism) and the description of High Sensitivity, the two are not the same. A Highly Sensitive Person may have Asperger’s, but being a Highly Sensitive Person doesn’t mean you have the disorder; having Asperger’s doesn’t automatically make someone an HSP. Although sometimes difficult to distinguish in the short term, Dr. Aron points out those even mild examples of Asperger’s have at their core some form of pervasive developmental disorder which is simply not present in the majority of Highly Sensitive Persons. Similarly, sensitivity to sensory stimulation or sensitive sensory processing is never mentioned in the diagnostic criteria for any Autism Spectrum Disorders, including Aspergers.




 

Isn’t Everyone Sensitive?

The important distinction to make here centers on what constitutes “a behavior” vs. what is a “physiological trait.” I agree entirely that anyone can choose to act in a sensitive manner. As such, the answer to the above question– strictly speaking– could be yes. The primary difference is that a Highly Sensitive Person doesn’t really have a choice in the matter. Think of it through this metaphor: Regardless of whether they like the sun or not, some people can go outside in the summer and work all day, and all they get is a tan. Others, however (who may love the sun), get third-degree sunburns within an hour. Highly Sensitive Person act the way they do because their brains are wired to respond a certain way.

This becomes particularly important when it comes to understanding interactions with Highly Sensitive Persons. Many societies do not value sensitivity, because we live in a competitive dog-eat-dog world, especially in Western culture. Whatever your perception of sensitivity may be, keep in mind that telling a highly sensitive person to “get over it” and “develop a thicker skin” is an exercise in futility; they cannot change the way their nervous system responds any more than you can change the natural color of your eyes or the size of your feet.

 

See Also
health_golden-years_OMTimes

Synchronicity: My own Enlightenment

As a Highly Sensitive Person, myself, I have been studying and incorporating the trait into my lifestyle and choices for almost 15 years. I came to know about my sensitivity almost by accident. Of course, I’d always been aware that I was a little different but I’d struggled with pinpointing exactly how.

One day, I found myself perusing the travel section at a local bookstore. At one point I found myself struggling with pulling out a travel guide to Ireland because someone had jammed another book into the shelf, flat on top of the others. The offending volume was not a travel book, but a copy of “The Highly Sensitive Person” another browser had left behind.

At first, I was just going to discard the book—but something on the back cover caught my eye. Then I found a self-assessment quiz inside the book, to which I responded almost 100% in the affirmative. Although I felt a bit awkward about it—being a man, living in Texas “where men are men,” and buying a book about being sensitive—I bought the book. What followed, as I read each chapter, was a great many “aha moments” because I came to realize that there was a “name” for the way I had always felt a little out-of-step with my surroundings, and the cause was not some kind of pathology or syndrome.

Since then, I have spent a lot of time learning about the trait and subsequently informing others. It made a huge difference in my life to understand this part of my personal puzzle, and I have seen numerous people breathe a sigh of relief and find new meaning and purpose in their lives as a result of understanding that there is nothing “wrong” with them—they are merely highly sensitive.

And perhaps YOU are, too!

 

You will also enjoy Highly Sensitive Persons, Healing, and the Power of Language

Click HERE to Connect with your Daily Horoscope!

About the Author

Peter Messerschmidt is a writer, beachcomber, rare stamp dealer and eternal seeker who lives in Port Townsend, Washington with the great love of his life and three feline “kids.” When he’s not wandering the beach or the Internet, he facilitates groups (online, and off) and retreats for HSPs, and writes “HSP Notes”—the web’s oldest HSP-specific blog, at hspnotes.blogspot.com

Connect with Sarah at: cosmichooker.com



View Comments (40)
  • As an HSP who has learned to live with it and embrace it’s gifts, I want to add that this comment, “telling a highly sensitive person to “get over it” and “develop a thicker skin” is an exercise in futility”… is not entirely right. Others do not have to learn to live with it… the HSP does. And the HSP has no more right or reason to spread their misery than any other.
    Like any other talent or gift, it must be polished and purified.
    I somehow always knew that my sensitivity was a gift… and no matter how many people criticized it… I knew they couldn’t ‘get it’ anymore than I can get math or music talent.
    It is a beautiful thing you are doing, Peter Messerschmidt… helping HSP’s to polish and purify their gifts.

  • I’m so glad this came across my news feed. I’ve been dealing with this my whole life. I thought there was something “wrong” with me. My daughter is a toddler and bursts into tears just because someone looks at her the wrong way or talks a little bit louder than usual. So, I was trying to find something on Helping more sensitive children and this has helped me realize that there are others like us that have been through this. I’m so grateful that you have dedicated so much time to this cause!

  • Do any of you notice a strong connection with animals? It’s like I can speak to them and they trust me. Each dog I’ve adopted and rehabilitated I trust with my life. A few years ago a humming bird baby flew in the house, I got a large bowl to try and catch it. It made a horrific sound, so I put the bowl down, spoke to it and it attached itself to my finger and I walked it from inside the house to out the back door about a hundred and fifty feet.

  • I once thought HSP and being empathic was the same. But now I know that not every HSP is an empath. But every empath is an HSP. When I was young kid I never could understand the feelings that would overwhelm me and cause me so much distress. It wasn’t until years later that I realized I was reading the emotions of others and not just my own. Had I been aware of this at an early age, I would have been much happier growing up. But then again, I wouldnt have received this info very well at the time.

  • Oh My Goodness, This is so me, all my life I have thought there as something wrong with. All the signs are so true, loud noises, getting emotional over things easily, medcine I don’t take unless it is unavoidable, I hate being watched! I can wals into a room and feel the atmosphere at times. I feel others pain. Is it a blessing? Sometmes but mostly it’s a curse. Thank you for such an imformative article, it explains so much.

  • Very interesting article! I can certainly relate in many aspects.
    Thank you for sharing!

    I just wasn’t sure about this one part: “Similarly, sensitivity to sensory stimulation or sensitive sensory processing is never mentioned in the diagnostic criteria for any Autism Spectrum Disorders, including Aspergers.”

    I’m not an expert, but when I studied Autism Spectrum Disorder, I recall that highly sensitive sensory processing was often mentioned as a part of Autism symptoms. Perhaps I’m reading or understanding this part of the article wrongly?

  • I have a strong connection with insects…animals too, but its amazing to me how connected I am in communication with insects and arachnids. Form this gift, I can tolerate my panic attacks!

  • The article “an” should only appear in front of a word that starts with the letter “h” when the h is not pronounced, as “istoric” for “historic.” It doesn’t belong in front of the phrase “Highly Sensitive Person,” but it would be appropriate in front of the acronym “HSP.”

    Other than that, great article. I’m an HSP who is also male, and I’ve had my struggles.

  • I shared this on FB, and now many people will say they’re like this, but they won’t be. Just like when I used to tell people I was an introvert: “Me too,” I’d hear, “I also love being alone.” But it wasn’t the same. And people don’t generally get HSP either. My therapist does because she’s read Aron’s book. But now I know why balloons popping used to scare me, or I why I was horrified when my peers would hurt animals, or how hard it is just to be in public.

  • I agree, no one should have to constantly be tip-toeing around us, but I am in close proximity to someone who is like a bull in a China shop and that is equally as upsetting. We all need remember our manners….just venting here as I know this person will never read this OR get it he did!

  • I have enough problems getting through the day as a HSP, now I’m working for a hot-head who screams at me daily. I dread going to work, I cry every day and I don’t know how I’m going to make it. I’m looking for another job, but it’s tough out there. Plus I’ll feell guilty for leaving so soon. Any advise?

Leave a Reply

©2009-2023 OMTimes Media, Inc. All Rights Reserved.

This website is a Soul Service-oriented Outreach.  May all sentient beings be free from suffering and the causes of suffering and know only everlasting bliss.

Scroll To Top