Why Men Are Unfaithful

By Marcia Sirota MD


There are five main reasons why men are unfaithful. Understanding these reasons will empower you to make better decisions about your relationship, and hopefully, help you avoid experiencing a devastating betrayal.

The first reason why men are unfaithful is that they’re not happy in the relationship. Maybe they aren’t in love and they’re staying in the relationship because they don’t know how to get out, or maybe they just aren’t getting what they want.

Maybe their partner is doing something that is making them angry or frustrated. Instead of talking about how they feel – not always so easy for a man to do- they act out their boredom, anger or frustration by sleeping with someone else.

The second reason why men are unfaithful is that they have emotional or psychological problems that make it hard for them to be intimate or to make a real commitment. They want to be honorable and decent, but their insecurities, fears, false beliefs about love and commitment or deep sense of inadequacy make them cheat.

Sometimes these men are terrified of abandonment or rejection and are convinced that they themselves are at risk of being betrayed. They cheat as a pre-emptive strike, or to alleviate their anxiety around when the “inevitable” disappointment will occur.

The third reason why men are unfaithful is that they don’t care about being faithful, and have no intention of being monogamous. Fortunately, this represents a minority of men, but even so, they can cause a lot of pain and grief. These fellows are the players who make false promises of love and fidelity and then plot and plan to get it on with as many women as possible. These are men who are incapable of love and will never be able to respond to their partner’s need or respect her feelings.

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About The Author

Dr. Marcia Sirota is a Toronto-based board certified psychiatrist specializing in the treatment of trauma and addiction, as well as founder of the Ruthless Compassion Institute, whose mandate is to promote the philosophy of Ruthless Compassion and in so doing, improve the lives of people, everywhere.

  • Vernon

    The problem in this world is that if youre not slutting around , people think there is something wrong with you , and the act of slutting around basically breaks the idea of monogamy to pieces , 68 percent of women and 74 percent of men polled would cheat on their spouse if they could get away with it. the world is leaning toward polyamory and thats just the way it is. I know one woman who has spent years single out of all the people i know, maybe two. The fact is that truly monogamous people are rare and people generally like to be self ingratiating as a majority rule. Calling it a sex addiction may just stem from a view that poly amory is bad. reason 6 exploring someones sexual energy because its alluring.

  • Jojo

    It astounds me the that this author is a psychiatrist and
    psychotherapist! Not only is the article poorly written, but she doesn’t
    quote any kind of scientific or medical justification/research to back
    up the statements that she is making. Really? The FINAL reason that men
    cheat is because they are gay? Seriously? The reasons are given as
    categorical statements rather than possibilities or suggestions. Cheating isn’t about the circumstance that the man (or woman) is in, it is the personality type that chooses to deal with said circumstance by cheating.

  • Michael Bowler

    Cheating is universally a function of selfish hedonism. Whether it be a simple case of looking for new experiences to assuage a dull existence or just the thrill of getting away with it, cheating is a sign of lack of concern for the significant other that is indicative of lack of real integrity and ethical standards…unfortunately, all too common human conditions.

    Honest folks will admit they find some level of attraction to others, routinely being tempted to cheat or at least entertaining the notion. It is the person with integrity that refuses to do that to themselves and their significant other, knowing to act upon such thoughts will be a serious detriment to their relationship. Once having committed the act, one must engage in some level of dishonesty/deception, even once having been exposed…leading to nonsense analysis such as this article.

    Integrity, the human trait that causes one to do the right thing even when being discovered isn’t possible or likely, is the only thing we have that no person can take away from us, to lose it, one must surrender it voluntarily.

  • roadsidecouch

    The fourth reason is because their wife is a bitch who uses a way too big strapon like Mistress Michelle uses on me. I just have to be really careful that Mistress Michelle or Master Reggie don’t find out.

  • joshwolfrobe

    Marcia, perhaps you’re forgetting that it takes two to make or break a relationship. There’s much out there in the world, to titillate each partner. Each has a choice to bring their titillation home, and act on it with the other, or act on it outside the relationship. To me the strength of a relationship has always been measured by a tote board. On one side is listed each relationship element that’s a negative, and on the other side a list of the positive elements for each partner. When the ratio of negative to positive elements narrows significantly for one or both, the relationship is more often in trouble, and is vulnerable to a shortened life. When the ratio broadens for each partner, it becomes more satisfying for both, and consequently more enduring.
    Problems in the bedroom, are more often symptomatic of a relationship in trouble, that usually can be traced to an imbalance between the positive and negative qualities of the relationship for one, or both partners. Sexual problems don’t develop in a relational vacuum, but are most often the effect of other relationship problems. Addressing these problems in an environment that feels safe, and trusting, i.e., couples therapy, as an example, or perhaps with a compassionate friend that both trust, may start to heal the impasses, and festering unaddressed issues.
    Neither gender is immune from looking outside the relationship for answers, by bedding another. When this happens without the possibility of an intervention, then it usually is the beginning of the end of that relationship.

  • joshwolfrobe

    I’m curious to know what “personality type chooses to deal with said circumstance by cheating?”

  • joshwolfrobe

    It’s not a surprising statistic, considering that the divorce rate nationally is more than 50%, and in California, it’s approaching 70%

  • Vernon

    sacral chakra energy used in conjunction with ego. Cheaters are little more that animals succumbing to their limbic animalism. I think statistics on monogamous are indicative of people who blindly follow tradition and those who realize the true spiritual state of sexuality. Its a blessing that most haven’t activated their kundalini. The world would be in a dismal state with the current sexual philosophy. scratch dismal, horrific.

  • Vernon

    Poly amory when stated above board is fine but thats mostly not the case as so many poly people play monogamous people as if they were just pawns. poly honesty is fine anything less is wicked destruction. I have no interest in the low light of poly self ingratiation. poly is flawed and i can walk through it like its nothing. its not sacred sex its little more than hedonistic egocentrism, its base animalistic and low, energetically. Such mechanisms suit nothing but the passions that destroy this planet.

  • Jojo

    I would say that the personality type is one with a complete lack of integrity and a lack of respect for others – one that puts their desires above all else. Many people are faced with moral and ethical challenges and the only reason that these situations would be handled differently is because of each individual’s moral stance.

  • joshwolfrobe

    Jojo. I do believe that you’re describing the symptoms of Sociopathic Personality Disorder. A psychiatric disorder, extremely difficult to treat, with a very low successful treatment outcome. Wall Street is full of these types. I’ve warned some people in the past to avoid dealing with these wheeler/dealers. An example is the wholesale fraud by Enron Energy, whole energy traders were taped laughing at the scams they pulled off with looting the retirement savings of older adults.

  • joshwolfrobe

    Vernon, you comment reminds me of a Shakespearian takeoff. “The righteous gentleman doth protest too much.” Re: Sacred chakra energy: There are many, many, dedicated spiritual folks who’ve embraced spiritual energetic practices, and achieve expanded conscious awareness. But alas, they never are disposed to striving to dissolve, or at least make permeable their egos. Rather they, usually unconsciously choose an expanded ego, that continues to expand just like a stretched rubber band, as their conscious awareness expands, but they never seem to want to, or are able to dissolve, or make permeable their egos, and move into a true awakened state, which allows them to move naturally between form and formlessness.
    One of the hall marks of such true spiritual transformation, is an absence of judgment of others. Rather, their position is one where they say, “just like me,” whenever they have an opinion of the behavior of others. Because they realize the they themselves always possess at least some form of some of the qualities they observe in others. Therefore have true love and compassion for the shortcomings, and accompanying suffering of others. We can only do this when we have love and compassion for our own shortcomings, angst and suffering.
    So it becomes incumbent on all of us to see where we’re coming from, e.g., what chakra center we’re coming from as we register opinions about the behaviors of other. Honesty and integrity with oneself is paramount, before we “Throw the first stone,” at others.

  • Vernon

    true true bro. as with a current love interest who is lying and playing around im less concerned with that flaw because i understand lack of control ive been there, and more concerned with the lying causing bad future energies. Regardless of how i package it as a team work topic i just cant break through the grip her ego has on denying working it out in the open . ego is a bear for sure. Most make it the master of consciousness rather than the student, the ego that is the eternal student finds the most bliss.

  • dapogi’74(pinoy)

    GAY?not really! case to case basis… main reason why men unfaithfull to their partner/wife is just bec. they are not contented… we are still living in a sinfull world.