5 Reasons Why Men Are Unfaithful
Has your partner cheated on you? Do you wonder why men are unfaithful?
Why Men Are Unfaithful
There are five main reasons why men are unfaithful. Understanding these reasons will empower you to make better decisions about your relationship, and hopefully, help you avoid experiencing a devastating betrayal.
The first reason why men are unfaithful is that they’re not happy in the relationship. Maybe they aren’t in love and they’re staying in the relationship because they don’t know how to get out, or maybe they just aren’t getting what they want.
Maybe their partner is doing something that is making them angry or frustrated. Instead of talking about how they feel – not always so easy for a man to do- they act out their boredom, anger or frustration by sleeping with someone else.
The second reason why men are unfaithful is that they have emotional or psychological problems that make it hard for them to be intimate or to make a real commitment. They want to be honorable and decent, but their insecurities, fears, false beliefs about love and commitment or deep sense of inadequacy make them cheat.
Sometimes these men are terrified of abandonment or rejection and are convinced that they themselves are at risk of being betrayed. They cheat as a pre-emptive strike, or to alleviate their anxiety around when the “inevitable” disappointment will occur.
The third reason why men are unfaithful is that they don’t care about being faithful, and have no intention of being monogamous. Fortunately, this represents a minority of men, but even so, they can cause a lot of pain and grief. These fellows are the players who make false promises of love and fidelity and then plot and plan to get it on with as many women as possible. These are men who are incapable of love and will never be able to respond to their partner’s need or respect her feelings.
The fourth reason why men are unfaithful is that they have a sex addiction. They are like junkies when it comes to sex, and are unable to resist acting out sexually. They might not want to cheat, but they do so anyway. This is a serious problem which requires intensive therapy, and without treatment, nothing will change.
A fifth and final reason why men are unfaithful is that they’re gay. Maybe they’re with a woman because they’re using her to pretend to the world that they’re straight. Maybe they want to believe that they can live a straight existence, but the urge to explore their true sexuality is unbearable, so they sneak out to be with men. These guys are not only putting their partner at risk for heartbreak but if they’re not practicing safe sex, they’re also playing Russian Roulette with everyone’s health and safety.
It’s not always easy to predict who will cheat or to tell when someone is cheating. Knowing the five main reasons why it happens can alert you to some of the signs and signals so that you can take better care of yourself and prevent the pain and heartbreak of betrayal.
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About the Author
Dr. Marcia Sirota is a Toronto-based board-certified psychiatrist specializing in the treatment of trauma and addiction, as well as the founder of the Ruthless Compassion Institute, whose mandate is to promote the philosophy of Ruthless Compassion and in so doing, improve the lives of people, everywhere.
(C) Marcia Sirota MD, 2011
The problem in this world is that if youre not slutting around , people think there is something wrong with you , and the act of slutting around basically breaks the idea of monogamy to pieces , 68 percent of women and 74 percent of men polled would cheat on their spouse if they could get away with it. the world is leaning toward polyamory and thats just the way it is. I know one woman who has spent years single out of all the people i know, maybe two. The fact is that truly monogamous people are rare and people generally like to be self ingratiating as a majority rule. Calling it a sex addiction may just stem from a view that poly amory is bad. reason 6 exploring someones sexual energy because its alluring.
It astounds me the that this author is a psychiatrist and
psychotherapist! Not only is the article poorly written, but she doesn’t
quote any kind of scientific or medical justification/research to back
up the statements that she is making. Really? The FINAL reason that men
cheat is because they are gay? Seriously? The reasons are given as
categorical statements rather than possibilities or suggestions. Cheating isn’t about the circumstance that the man (or woman) is in, it is the personality type that chooses to deal with said circumstance by cheating.
Nonsense.
Cheating is universally a function of selfish hedonism. Whether it be a simple case of looking for new experiences to assuage a dull existence or just the thrill of getting away with it, cheating is a sign of lack of concern for the significant other that is indicative of lack of real integrity and ethical standards…unfortunately, all too common human conditions.
Honest folks will admit they find some level of attraction to others, routinely being tempted to cheat or at least entertaining the notion. It is the person with integrity that refuses to do that to themselves and their significant other, knowing to act upon such thoughts will be a serious detriment to their relationship. Once having committed the act, one must engage in some level of dishonesty/deception, even once having been exposed…leading to nonsense analysis such as this article.
Integrity, the human trait that causes one to do the right thing even when being discovered isn’t possible or likely, is the only thing we have that no person can take away from us, to lose it, one must surrender it voluntarily.
The fourth reason is because their wife is a bitch who uses a way too big strapon like Mistress Michelle uses on me. I just have to be really careful that Mistress Michelle or Master Reggie don’t find out.
Marcia, perhaps you’re forgetting that it takes two to make or break a relationship. There’s much out there in the world, to titillate each partner. Each has a choice to bring their titillation home, and act on it with the other, or act on it outside the relationship. To me the strength of a relationship has always been measured by a tote board. On one side is listed each relationship element that’s a negative, and on the other side a list of the positive elements for each partner. When the ratio of negative to positive elements narrows significantly for one or both, the relationship is more often in trouble, and is vulnerable to a shortened life. When the ratio broadens for each partner, it becomes more satisfying for both, and consequently more enduring.
Problems in the bedroom, are more often symptomatic of a relationship in trouble, that usually can be traced to an imbalance between the positive and negative qualities of the relationship for one, or both partners. Sexual problems don’t develop in a relational vacuum, but are most often the effect of other relationship problems. Addressing these problems in an environment that feels safe, and trusting, i.e., couples therapy, as an example, or perhaps with a compassionate friend that both trust, may start to heal the impasses, and festering unaddressed issues.
Neither gender is immune from looking outside the relationship for answers, by bedding another. When this happens without the possibility of an intervention, then it usually is the beginning of the end of that relationship.
I’m curious to know what “personality type chooses to deal with said circumstance by cheating?”
It’s not a surprising statistic, considering that the divorce rate nationally is more than 50%, and in California, it’s approaching 70%
sacral chakra energy used in conjunction with ego. Cheaters are little more that animals succumbing to their limbic animalism. I think statistics on monogamous are indicative of people who blindly follow tradition and those who realize the true spiritual state of sexuality. Its a blessing that most haven’t activated their kundalini. The world would be in a dismal state with the current sexual philosophy. scratch dismal, horrific.
Poly amory when stated above board is fine but thats mostly not the case as so many poly people play monogamous people as if they were just pawns. poly honesty is fine anything less is wicked destruction. I have no interest in the low light of poly self ingratiation. poly is flawed and i can walk through it like its nothing. its not sacred sex its little more than hedonistic egocentrism, its base animalistic and low, energetically. Such mechanisms suit nothing but the passions that destroy this planet.
I would say that the personality type is one with a complete lack of integrity and a lack of respect for others – one that puts their desires above all else. Many people are faced with moral and ethical challenges and the only reason that these situations would be handled differently is because of each individual’s moral stance.
Jojo. I do believe that you’re describing the symptoms of Sociopathic Personality Disorder. A psychiatric disorder, extremely difficult to treat, with a very low successful treatment outcome. Wall Street is full of these types. I’ve warned some people in the past to avoid dealing with these wheeler/dealers. An example is the wholesale fraud by Enron Energy, whole energy traders were taped laughing at the scams they pulled off with looting the retirement savings of older adults.
Vernon, you comment reminds me of a Shakespearian takeoff. “The righteous gentleman doth protest too much.” Re: Sacred chakra energy: There are many, many, dedicated spiritual folks who’ve embraced spiritual energetic practices, and achieve expanded conscious awareness. But alas, they never are disposed to striving to dissolve, or at least make permeable their egos. Rather they, usually unconsciously choose an expanded ego, that continues to expand just like a stretched rubber band, as their conscious awareness expands, but they never seem to want to, or are able to dissolve, or make permeable their egos, and move into a true awakened state, which allows them to move naturally between form and formlessness.
One of the hall marks of such true spiritual transformation, is an absence of judgment of others. Rather, their position is one where they say, “just like me,” whenever they have an opinion of the behavior of others. Because they realize the they themselves always possess at least some form of some of the qualities they observe in others. Therefore have true love and compassion for the shortcomings, and accompanying suffering of others. We can only do this when we have love and compassion for our own shortcomings, angst and suffering.
So it becomes incumbent on all of us to see where we’re coming from, e.g., what chakra center we’re coming from as we register opinions about the behaviors of other. Honesty and integrity with oneself is paramount, before we “Throw the first stone,” at others.
true true bro. as with a current love interest who is lying and playing around im less concerned with that flaw because i understand lack of control ive been there, and more concerned with the lying causing bad future energies. Regardless of how i package it as a team work topic i just cant break through the grip her ego has on denying working it out in the open . ego is a bear for sure. Most make it the master of consciousness rather than the student, the ego that is the eternal student finds the most bliss.
GAY?not really! case to case basis… main reason why men unfaithfull to their partner/wife is just bec. they are not contented… we are still living in a sinfull world.
I’m in awe right now. And angry. And unbelievably shocked that this writing actually made it online as an “article”; written by an MD no less!
Are we being led to believe that a woman can “avoid heartbreak” by somehow changing their behavior so as to prevent her husband from cheating? Where is the logic and humanity in this? It’s like rape “prevention” tactics aimed at teaching women how to avoid being raped. How about teaching people NOT TO RAPE/CHEAT?!! Why in God’s name would anyone believe that anyone other than the cheating spouse would have control or choice over their actions? ! The notion that a man (or woman for that matter) has no control over their actions or choices is bullsh$ t!
This “article” is not only poorly written, but is abusive and sexist! The fact that this is written by a woman for women is not only astounding, but a spectacular example of a serious problem in our world!
Leave the responsibility with the cheater (male OR female).
You should be ashamed to have this on your website!
Surprised it doesn’t mention the need for conquest and stimulation, need to boost the ego, need to feel virile, mid-life crisis etc. Answers are kind of simplistic. Also, some people might have had parents or role models who did it. I like the person who brought up the media/cultural issue, cause tv etc is so sexualized now and porn is everywhere on the internet etc that I think it does lower peoples inhibitions etc.
wow you’re a moron.
Why are HUMANS unfaithful? Because humans are not biologically monogamous.
I am shocked and verrry suprised you would even post this. These are the reasons??? What a cop out!! All these reasons could be the same for a woman. Cheating is lack of truth in their word.Lack of respect for their partner AND themselves.NO discipline, Selfish and self centered. Addiction?? Get help…not cheat. This is just crap and again,hard to believe you posted this…UGH!!!
Md retarded as fuck.. and shes plly single lol
your absolutely correct and right! I’ve personally already made my comment on FB due reading this obviously disgusting article, and sexist to the max, this person seems to have more or less be speaking of themselves because obviously she’s never gone out to find a guy, and if so she’s certainly looking for the wrong things in that guy and then has the guts to write a rather untrue and very I mean very unrealistic perspective on relationships, guys and well me!
I love how the warning about safe sex only appears in the fifth category, the one concerning gay men. This article is sexist and stereotypical. Where’s the one that talks about why women cheat? No wonder people frown upon feminism so much, because sexist, poorly written/researched articles like this one are constantly being published by pseudo-educated women.
It’s not rocket science, it makes sense
My issue with this article is she only mentions health risks when it comes to the men who are secretly gay. Can heterosexuals not spread disease?
Im so glad I was not the only one who caught this. I think she is espousing some Christian beliefs there or at worst Homophobic tendencies. There needs to be some better screening on the articles to keep some sort of respectability or this will turnout like the Unleashed Mined
This whole artical is generalised and is universal for both genders. It is hurtful and rude to point fingers at men because of your own insecurities and possible history of being cheated on. This only perpetuates the separation between genders and is harmful to our growth of a healthy society. In the future instead of damming men for natural human behavior, maybe give a suggestion of how to openly communicate with your partner or other ideas on how to help the relationship. You approach in this artical is what is wrong with America and world as a whole.
I’m sorry but this article sounds like it was written by someone in kindergarten. :/
it means your dad is also unfaithful!! doesn’t make sense
Dear Author, instead how about an article on “WHAT makes a person unfaithful to their partners”? Get my point? Clearly shows you DO NOT understand a single thing about men… Or… you’re just emotionally selfish by nature? I totally agree on all the comments from others. Personally, this is crap and i do not see how this is helping anyone out there. Takes two to clap.Write something like, simplest/basic foundation of understanding. I don’t know. something really inspiring or really educational. good day.
Surprising that this article was written by someone who is an MD. Just goes to show you that just because you went to school, doesn’t mean you have the human condition down.
Perspective is everything so while I may not have a college degree I can say this the article was not meant to be sexist because it applies to both men and women. Also the only thing i found to disagree with is the part where you said “these men are incapable of love and will never be able to respond to their partners needs or respect their feelings”. According To everything else you said, which i understand you were speaking in general therefore not specifying any one type of personality, if any one of these five did apply to someone then that would imply that which ever one applies regardless if more then one once the person is able to confront their issue and resolve it they could respond and respect their partner keeping in mind of course that they are sane, willing and able to respond and respect their own needs and wants. Well after all once you learn the who, what, where, when, when, why, and how in any situation with an open mind and the right tools there is nothing a person cant get past.
best i can say is the lurking cheater is a narcissistic pseudo psycho path if they are a repeat offender.
I agree w / the frst 3 and 4. I always thought of those when X was cheating , the point is we all have to accept is a reality check and we have to follow through to get out , to not take it personal ! And yet review your actions ,thoughts behavior to advantage on growing in to a better been. This is the best we can do to ourself , we are here together to show love and help each other in the highest level our own divine spirit is capable and very possible to teach the other person a higher vibration, energy and Perception I believe it requires to be grounded and be in balance and conected w / and tap in to our own divine spirit.
IT TAKES , OMTIME…….. Thank you for sharing, A?
Is this a joke? Seriously. I’ve read many articles from OM-Times Magazine on Facebook and enjoyed them. But THIS? This has to be the most unprofessional piece of “professional advice” ever. It sounds like a poorly referenced high school paper…D+. Shame on you, OM-Times.
You’re sure a hell of a lot smarter than Marcia. I’ve read each of your comments and they’re all on point. “Therefore have true love and compassion for the shortcomings, and accompanying suffering of others. We can only do this when we have love and compassion for our own shortcomings, angst and suffering.” Jesus couldn’t have said it any better. Thank you.
So when he cheats with women he won’t catch a std, but with men he will? Don’t be so ignorant. It doesn’t matter if he sleeps with men or women he puts his partner at risk of health and safety.
Maybe they are not mindful enough to realize they are in a relationship with a commitment sometimes they simply don’t pay attention this is not a psychiatric issue but it’s a metaphysical issue that changes brain structure to unconscious. Art by Laura hand
I would never ever be unfaithfull to the woman i love , I learned how much pain this can bring to another human early in life so i would never do such pain onto others