By Ken Lauher
The other day, I shared some signs that may indicate you’ve found true love with the man of your dreams. But what if you have deeper doubts? You know it’s not true love (yet), but you think there may be a chance for your love to grow, given time.
So let’s say your new romantic partner doesn’t seem to need a lot of change. You’re pretty happy with him the way he is. But you still have a few doubts brewing before you’re ready to say, “I do.”
Still, you’re seeing some red flags that are telling you this person is not only NOT “the one,” but that you might actually be in a toxic relationship.
Unfortunately, we can find examples of unhealthy, toxic and co-dependent relationships are all around us. Jealousy, control, even physical demonstrations of anger, such as throwing things or punching holes in walls, seems like the new “normal relationship.” Bestselling novels glorify co-dependency and tell stories of women being able to successfully change men.
The only person you can change is yourself. You can use Feng Shui, meditation and other techniques to change how you view and react to another person, which may help to influence their actions, but you can never really change anyone. (If you’ve already heard that advice from your mom, well, I’m just here to share it again.)
If you see any of these co-dependency signs in your relationship, plain and simple, it’s time to get out. No excuses. You deserve better.
1. You’ve read the other person’s emails, text messages or checked their browser history. “I know I can trust him… but…” – Whatever excuse you want to give for this action, whether you’re just curious or you feel that you’re entitled because you’re a couple, snooping in someone’s private correspondence indicates a lack of trust. Either work out the trust issues right away or cut him loose. The same goes if you catch him snooping in any of your accounts.
2. You feel as if you’ve lost yourself since you started dating. – Maybe he’s said or done things, like belittling your hobbies or your friends, that make you decide to give up the things you love. Or maybe you’ve just decided nothing matters except him. (Maybe your not introducing him to your friends and family because, deep down, you realize they won’t approve.) Whatever the reason and rationale, when you start losing yourself because of your relationship, it’s not healthy. Place your focus on things you’ve always loved to do, before it’s too late to break the pattern. If he has a problem with you exercising your freedom, there’s a good chance he’s not “the right one.”
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