Our Presence is Required
By Mary Cook, M.A., R.A.S.
Trauma and addiction teach us defensiveness, despair, distraction, fear, neediness and offensiveness. Rather than paying attention to our current circumstances, we’re running away from or chasing after something to relieve pain. Rather than noticing who we are in the moment, we are repeatedly seeking ways to artificially alter, numb or heighten who we see ourselves to be. Abstaining from active addiction and living without current trauma does not stop the mental, emotional and physical habit patterns from the past. We continue to carry fear and false beliefs and their corresponding defense mechanisms and character defects, into our current circumstances and future probabilities, until we heal. In our struggles with problems and our quests for answers, our energy is often scattered. Our minds can get very busy with possibilities, scenarios, fears and wishes. Many times our minds multiply problems rather than solve them, or create solutions that are worse than the original problem.
Past physical violations and abuse commonly lead to psychological disconnection or disassociation with our bodies. Symptoms from these defenses include presenting the body as an object to be used, neglect of the body, re-enactment of abuse, fear, shame and hatred of the body, and unhealthy measures to protect and obtain control over the body, the latter often seen in various eating disorders.
Mental and emotional trauma typically results in denial and repression of painful thoughts, feelings and memories. This then leads to chronic feelings of confusion, anxiety, depression, fear and anger, as well as emotional constriction, rigid thinking and intellectualization. Intuition, discernment and even common sense can be deficient, causing significant instability.
Trauma symptoms additionally interfere with what we have to give to others. We are afraid to be fully present to anything that reminds us of what we have not healed. Yet we unconsciously attract these very experiences, because we hold their energies within us, and because life gives us endless opportunities to heal. Until we decide to do so, we respond to others defensively and offensively when some part of them or what they do, say or feel, reminds us of our pain. Therefore, what we have to give to others is an incomplete and distorted version of who we truly are. And how we perceive them is incomplete and distorted as well.
Understandably we don’t wish to feel pain, powerlessness and emptiness. Yet, when we are living in safe, sane and sober conditions, resistance to these emotions increases our problems and stress. Paying attention to each present moment as it appears and disappears, and becoming more aware of the observer part of ourselves that doesn’t think or act, and is not attached to human willfulness, brings a spiritual perspective to learning and maturing. Facing and processing emotions and experiences from the past, with healthy support people, and the goal of insight and healing, brings us positive energy. This enables us to increasingly release the energy from past trauma and addiction and find our true selves.
The greatest gifts come from compassionate self- reflection and understanding. When we summon the courage to face the unhealed aspects of ourselves, our work can ultimately transform them into healthy and helpful character traits. This positive energy increases our conscious awareness and receptiveness to divine direction and assistance. Allowing ourselves to be fully present to who we are as God created us, aligns us with God’s will for us. Now we can also give others our full presence, and thus notice all that they are from a human and spiritual perspective.
When we have conflict, we often perceive ourselves to be struggling with external forces. Our blaming of others serves to reinforce negative energies inside of us. If we are more psychologically evolved, we see how external struggles also reflect internal conflicts. Internal strife without loving insight however, also reinforces negative energies. If we are spiritually evolved, we understand that every conflict is an opportunity to learn something new and expand our understanding and active demonstration of spiritual principles. When we cease resisting the lessons, stop disconnecting from ourselves, and when we exchange negative energies for compassionate inquiry and commitment to personal growth, we begin to realize the magnitude of the flow of divine blessings.
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WWW.MARYCOOKMA.COM Mary Cook is the author of “Grace Lost and Found: From Addictions and Compulsions to Satisfaction and Serenity”, available from Barnes & Noble, Amazon.com, etc. She has 36 years of clinical practice and 29 years of university teaching experience. She is a national speaker and has a private practice in San Pedro, CA. Mary is available for telephone and office counseling, guided meditation, speaking engagements and in-service training. Contact her at MaryCookMA@att.net and see website for further information.
