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Not Having Children? No Worries!

Not Having Children? No Worries!

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Choices: No Husband, No Wife, Not Having Children?

by Cori Savenelli

As we age, many of us experience the unsettling feeling that we will never be having children of our own. We remain single in this world of varying ambitions and priorities and before we know it, time has passed and we begin to wonder if we will ever experience the euphoria of our having children of our own in the way that those around us seem to have been blessed with.

For many having children is not a priority, especially when we are young. The fast paced world of survival of the financially and vocationally fittest moves us toward the pursuit of a career and alternate purpose in the universe. Yet as we begin to see our friends and family engaged in the path toward an immediate family unit, we start to feel left behind. We see couples and marriages, births and celebrations and become frightened that we will not have the opportunity to enjoy this part of human existence and begin the process of comparing our lives to others, and feeling left behind.

The problem with this attitude is the idea that we all must fit a certain mold, and that happiness comes as a neatly wrapped universal package that is delivered to a select group that are “meant” to entertain it.

In spiritual terms, the word “ego” is the thing that separates our human pretenses from our spiritual path. Our ego is that which provides boundaries from the universe’s plans for us and suggests that we are incomplete if we do not follow the expectations of a rigid social outline. Yet if we acknowledge the very essence of these unions, love, the need for comparison becomes lessened and the reality of what we do have becomes vivid.



As an aunt or an uncle, a cousin or a godparent, we understand that the bonds of love between generations has no label. Even the presence of a similar blood line becomes less indicative of how closely two people are capable of bonding. In many cases these bonds have such an extraordinary purpose in our lives, that the need for our own children becomes small. These unions not only provide love, but an outlet for the other to exchange loving energy that is so strong and accepting, that even the parent-child relationship can not compare. There is a different type of bond here that allows complete support and appreciation for the other without the normal idiosyncratic issues between a parent and child.

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There are many different bonds between souls that happen through the journey of human existence. The indifference toward those that seem less important that the parent-child bond is doing us a disservice. So remember, when society’s need for structure in any form, rears its head and tempts you to question your path, although you may not be a parent, you are an aunt, an uncle, a cousin or a friend without whom someone’s experience of life would be less amazing.

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View Comments (3)
  • I love this, it’s about soul, we don’t all “fit the mould”. I love kids but no way do I want my own, I want to be FREEEE! – there are other ways to enjoy children. Hey, let’s
    create a new mould! :OD

  • And then there are those of us who WANT to “fit the mould” and have desperately wanted to become parents but due to awful, painful circumstances, cannot. I am talking about infertility, miscarriage, infant loss. We are a “category” who are ignored or swept under the carpet, who are in so much pain that they are missing out on the journey of parenthood. What about us??

  • As the article implies it is the ego which creates those boundaries. It’s not easy being childless or childfree when you are desperate to be a parent, especially when you are still young. You will always have pangs of longing for something you haven’t got and the life you could have if only…… But it’s not an easy life with children either. Having a family can bring it’s own set of problems and heartaches. Babies are a gift and they are cute but they grow into unique adults. Concentrate on the positives of not having children. It’s difficult and a constant reminder because you are surrounded by people who live their lives through their families and for their families. You are special, different, but not in a bad way, you have time to appreciate so much more, for enjoying life so much more. For experiencing more. You are an envied category not forgotten and definitely not alone. All we can try to do is fill the gap with things which make us feel good about ourselves and develop the power to live our lives without living it through someone else. I’m not blessed with children and I still have bouts of depression and I’m in my sixties. But on the plus side, I’m a strong independent person.(most of the time!) Talk to someone, tell them how you feel, but try to find distractions which take your mind off your pain. I’m always getting told off for giving unsolicited advice but I identified with your comment.

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