Personal Battles: “I am Not the Problem!”

By Paul Nijar

The tension in personal battles builds on upon every breath. You stand there upright, ready for imminent impact. Nothing is going to get through you. Your determination has reached all new heights.

There is no turning back now. This is a battle you cannot lose. This is a battle where your white flag stays secured in your back pocket. You are so focused that you allow for no distractions because you have your plan and you’re committed to sticking with it. The barrier you created in front of you is impenetrable.

As you observe your opponent, their frustration builds and you can see it clearly; to you this is a sign of victory. You can feel your opponent’s positioning weakening. Success looms around the corner and you shall rise as victor. Victory is now yours. After this long fight, this battle, this war, you came out on top.

After such an ordeal, one must ask, what was won? What was the point of this? As you sit knowing it’s all over and you think that you should feel relieved, a sense of victory, but there’s something within you that feels at a loss. As you reflect on the argument that just ensued, you ask yourself, “What just happened?” Instead of celebrating a victory you find yourself mourning a loss. “How could this be?”

These are common questions we debate within ourselves after a war with someone. If there is no celebration of the victory, then there is no success. The brave and hard surface we created for our own protection brought us no fulfillment. There is no victory in a fight or an argument. When looking back, we are dumbfounded by the events that just took place and wonder how it all came to be. Perhaps there was a communication issue.

Everything that was debated within the quarrel was not received by the other party, nor was anything they said received by you. This is due to the defensive stance that we take on when we are being stubborn. We become so focused on our on viewpoints that we become too stubborn to listen to the other person, and so the fight goes on. There can be no celebration in being stubborn in a fight.

Fights in the world almost seem inevitable and have been accepted as a part of life for many people. There is nothing wrong with fighting because, just as in many other aspects of our lives, they provide an opportunity for an awakening. This can only be hindered by our inability to understand another person’s perspective.

When we are stubborn in a personal battle, we lose the ability to take on another perspective. We become barricaded within our own selves that nothing gets through. We become limited and closed off. The awakening opportunity has been forfeited to our adversary. At this time, there can be no celebration because nothing has been gained; the riches within the potential of the moment have been lost. We chose stubbornness over peace, growth, compassion, and freedom.

To make the decision towards stubbornness over all else, one must ask, “What does it mean to be stubborn?” The word stubborn can be split in two halves. The first half is “stub,” which can be translated as a piece broken off from a bigger object, or a part of something. The second half is “born,” which implies birth; life. These two words separately will define what’s happening when an individual is being stubborn. This person is hindering their growth and expansion in their life. They are cutting themselves short. This should hardly be something to desire.

Being stubborn deprives us of the opportunity to grow and to have a rebirth through transcending an old part of ourselves. The longer we hold onto our old views and opinions, the less life we are living; we are becoming stale. It is essential to our spiritual evolution to continue to live through all moments, breathing life into something that didn’t exist within us before. This is how we become born once again. We become anew.

Stubbornness allows no additional room for anything else. What exists, is all that will exist within a stubborn individual.

When we are stubborn we become like a fire cracker that doesn’t explode; known as a dud. The stubborn individual will stand tall with their chest out braced for impact. They created a wall barrier around their chest that is so thick that nothing can penetrate it. The heart is located in the chest, so essentially we are barricading and closing in our heart center. At such times, we see no compassion for other’s viewpoints but our own.

The heart is where we can find the most lessons in life. When we draw our awareness through the heart center, we see beyond the internal dialogue of the mind. The mind is the home of the ego. The ego fears its life so it has a vested interest for you to barricade your heart so it doesn’t lose you. Through this barricade, we function through the mind’s eye. This is where we operate with anger, frustration or resentment. All these emotions take away from our consciousness. When the mind takes over, we essentially go back to sleep; being in the state of unconsciousness. At this time, we are able to be ruled by the clenches of the ego; we become enslaved by it. The heart is our savior.

Through the heart we expand and flourish. We become conscious, awakened beings. Our true, spiritual reality becomes clear as we see beyond the illusions of the mind. We will be able to release the tension in our bodies and tear down the walls. This is such a valuable time, as it reflects the moment we become free and liberated. Now is the time to celebrate.

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The celebration had to be delayed up until this point because the participants did not know what the fight was about, nor did they know who they were battling. The fight was not with the person before us; rather it was with the person within us. The ego’s existence is based on your inability to realize its existence. The ego will create such lies that will even make you think that the issues at hand are not yours but the other person’s. The confusion makes us search for answers, falling short only to point our fingers at the other person, not being aware of our own stubbornness and standoffish demeanor. Without awareness we cannot awaken to our spiritual reality.

Without this awakening, we continue to act out in ways that are not authentic to our true nature. We become hostile and closed off. At this time, our decision making ability becomes misaligned. We start to make rash decisions based on heightened emotional states. Our ability to live and to continue to live through the rebirth of each moment in our lives becomes closed off. There is nothing to gain. As a result, we become filled with guilt and confusion.

The confusion comes from the inability to understand the scenario at hand. There was so much that happened during this heated debate that not much was absorbed. Rather than an understanding, the two individuals are burdened with emotional baggage. The emotions took a front seat to our comprehension of the moment. The lessons have all been lost. The fight was more of an emotional war over a communication battle because the emotions played such a dominant role. The emotions closed off our ability to see through our heart center from the stubbornness. This made it difficult to learn and comprehend what just happened or what the fight was all about.

Understanding the role the fight played is truly an awakening moment. They bring awareness to things in our lives and our understanding of life that need some work. This is a blessing, because it is difficult to find our own faults or self-limited patterns. Having someone before you, who is able to tell you what you need to work on is a blessing. By bringing awareness of each situation from the heart center, we realize our enemies are not enemies, but rather they are our allies. Bringing awareness to the heart will allow us to lay down our arms in the midst of battle, so we may find value in the moment and receive the lessons we are meant to learn. This is where our victory lies.

By realizing the missed opportunity that being stubborn provides, we will prevent future resistance. This is much like a pre-emptive attack on the war on stubbornness. By letting go of our limiting patterns and views, we find the peace we all strive for at this time. An overbearing weight becomes lifted off our shoulders. The more we release, the more open our heart becomes. It is, at this time, that we are able to transcend our unconscious states and enter into enlightenment.

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