The Importance of Play
by Mary Cook, MA
Rigidity is a sign of aging, illness and death.
It can be hardening of the arteries or stiffness of the joints. It can be life stuck on a barstool or paranoid in a garage.
Our eyes can be glued to pornography, and miss the loving affection from our own child. We might attempt to escape fear by imposing our will upon others. We can be stuck in a whirlpool of unending desires or carry the carnage of resentments on our back. Lives can be lost behind walls of isolation, or in busyness pridefully pretending to be productivity. These are all ways of attaching ourselves to the edges of life, afraid to let go of our primal pain.
In contrast, healthy children are focused on loving, learning, playing and evolving. They are flexible, resilient and immersed in the natural flow of life. They fully engage with the moment, which births the newness of the next moment. The child that doesn’t need armor, rolls down soft grassy hills laughing. She smells fragrant flowers that leave a yellow ring of pollen around her tiny nose. She somersaults, twirls and tumbles, then lies as still as she can, watching butterflies dance against a background of blue sky. The healthiest play is not competitive, nor goal oriented, and is devoid of judgment and self-consciousness. It is children jumping up and down or babbling and squealing to the sound of music. It is a free, spontaneous, relaxed, joyful and creative inner expression.
A stressful childhood leaves our child self frightened and stuck in dark places. Lack of healthy bonding removes the lightness and playfulness of life, in exchange for obsessions and compulsions.
These keep us stagnant and eventually can contaminate and corrupt our entire life. As adults attempting to heal our inner child, we cannot promise this child anything. Betrayal is too familiar. But we can as safe and sober adults, stand by the child and say “I see you”. We can feel the fullness of healthy, positive, spiritual energy from our present recovery and send love to that inner child. We can demonstrate compassion, patience, acceptance, sensitivity, respect, and Understanding.
We can know the child’s pain without becoming, denying, judging, resisting or fighting it. We can show them that we will not drown in their torrent of tears, nor abandon them in response to their rejection, confusion, fear and emptiness. Nor will we become defensive, offensive or die from their rage.
Healthy bonding and healing with our inner child, creates a new sense of safety which stimulates playfulness. This in turn deepens our healing. Healthy playfulness nourishes body, mind, heart and spirit. This energy relaxes us, opens us up to greater creativity, intuition, trusting, and bonding, and raises our consciousness. Play diminishes fear, anger, defensiveness, judgment, stress, conflict, and depression. Our relationships with our Higher Power, nature, animals, people and ourselves can all be enhanced with play. Play can balance the serious and difficult aspects of life, and can clear out the cobwebs created by outdated habits and thinking, allowing us to explore the unlimited possibilities of our own evolution.
Many people confined to bed with illness experience relief from pain and symptoms during visits from children, pets, and people who have a light, playful sense of humor. Additionally people who are ill often have this same sense of relief when engaged in activities or even memories of activities that are playful to them. There are even reports of patients who experience complete and spontaneous healing following re-engagement with healthy play. Strangers in public often exhibit a dramatic and immediate change from a neutral or negative state to that of happiness and friendliness in response to children. Play therapy is a very potent component of treatment, because it bypasses defense mechanisms and accesses unconscious insight and solutions.
Play does not need to be limited to specific times, places or activities. There are countless ordinary circumstances where playfulness can be a valuable asset. One small playful moment can positively and significantly shift the energy in a large crowd of people. Play is not confined to behaviors. It can just as easily be attitudes, feelings, physical sensations, body language and words. We are here to honor our God, our planet, each other and ourselves through the efforts of our work and through the lightness of our play. And we might ask ourselves in all that we do, if we are contributing to the suffering or to the happiness in our world. For play is a sign of youthfulness, health and vitality that irrespective of current circumstances, puts us in the fullness of life.
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WWW.MARYCOOKMA.COM Mary Cook is the author of “Grace Lost and Found: From Addictions and Compulsions to Satisfaction and Serenity”, available from Barnes & Noble, Amazon.com and Borders. She has 34 years of clinical practice and 29 years of university teaching experience. She is a national speaker and has a private practice in San Pedro, CA. Mary is available for telephone and office counseling, guided meditation, speaking engagements and in-service training. Contact her at MaryCookMA@att.net and see website for further information.
