The Perfection Imperfection
by Gina Hardy
Think of a time when you were first dating someone you eventually went on to spend some life path time with. Ahhh remember the heady days of the romantic stage, fondly known as the honeymoon period. He/she could do no wrong, you noticed every little detail about the way they walked, talked and dressed and you positively brimmed over with pride and lust and maybe a sprinkling of early love! Your body was feeding you with love hormones and everything was just rosy in nest heaven.
(For the full multimedia experience, visit: OM Times August 2010 Edition)
Then one morning you wake and roll over to find that your honey isn’t looking quite so hot and the dialogue starts in your head. “I really must tell him to get his beard trimmed”, “long chest hair really isn’t in these days, it’s so 80’s!”, “not that tie-dye shirt again!”, “I really don’t like that deodorant he uses”. Now, part of you is shocked at how you really didn’t see this before but the other half is saying “well the little changes will make him better”…..but better for who? Maybe he likes long chest hair, tie-dye shirts (now that’s a tough one….lol) and Brut deodorant!
Now I will write my observation, gentlemen that it seems to be us girls that need the perfection infection ointment more than you do, but c’mon I know you have made a little tweak here and there eh? One of the biggest things men complain about is the frustration of being pressured to change in some way. But we all know that chasing around trying to change image or behaviours to suit others’ happiness is NOT the answer because it never stops.
A friend of mine and I have laughed many times about how we needed our partners looking hot to trot and a bad haircut or a flabby body or
Primark clothing just ain’t acceptable. Another friend who I used to work with would break up with a guy if he was wearing the “wrong” watch or the “wrong” socks. It is funny but can be an OCD when it gets that out of order!
I KNOW you have been there, so as you sit there tittering, think about the subtle little things that have crept up on you both where you have felt totally compelled to make a change request to your other half. We have ALL done it. I admit it is hard not to. I find myself justifying subtle requests to my boyfriend even now. Thankfully he is so comfortable with himself that it is a choice he knows he has to honour himself every time whether it feels good to make a change or not. Good for him!
