The Perfection Imperfection
When we believe the stories then we are caught in a movie that can swing out of control very easily. So for example, when your beloved says in a lovely way “darling I really think this colour shirt suits you not that one” watch your story…you may think “why oh why does she insist on disagreeing with me” or “hey yeah she’s got a point I do look good in this”. See? It’s all stories really, so keep open in every moment and observe your minds urge to jump to negativity. Byron Katie, a prominent figure in the field of awakening human consciousness, has a process called The Work which will help you blast through the stories that keep you suffering. http://www.thework.com/index.php
And if you are the one with a mild or acute dose of the perfection infection, what can you do?
I am not one to dish out practical dos and don’t because my belief is that all ailments of this kind start from within us so….
Observe yourself. Notice and become aware of the underlying thoughts and feelings that build into words that flow out of your mouth before you have had good time to understand what is happening at a deeper level. Be still and feel it wherever it arises in your body and stay with it until is passes. The law of nature is impermanence, whatever rises, passes away and that goes for emotions. Whenever you feel urges or feelings, however good or bad they appear, they always disappear eventually. Watch yourself and see that we are simply blended with nature just as every animal or plant. Respect your partner’s boundaries. The quality of your communication in terms of words and body language is all important. One thing many people struggle with in life is being able to be fully authentic, and that can’t be born if you are constantly trying to make changes to your honey. Allow them to invite you in. Imagine a boundary around someone’s property. You wouldn’t leap the fence and run amuck in the garden un-invited, now would you!
Try a little self acceptance. Look at where you are constantly trying to make YOU perfect, because the infection starts and ends within. You may be nagging yourself at all angles about how you look, dress and behave with others without realising it and oh boy that’s tiring! A heck a lot of energy is expended through self talk, doubt and being inwardly harsh. Give yourself a break! Notice your tendency to self berate. Inward dissatisfaction nearly always appears as projections onto your loved one.
Find some joy in everything you say and do. The dance of your relationship can be an easy one if you always approach your beau with an intention to love and honour them every time you communicate. I think we all try and alter our partners in someway and probably always will. Some things will improve and feel great and some not. I liken these idiosyncrasies in life to the rich tapestry of learning that comes our way. There is learning in every moment of every day, that’s Earth school for you. So you can ruin it with negative stories or have regular “ah ha!” moments and marvel at the wonders of what life brings you. It’s a choice.
