Stopping the Suffering Addiction and the Compulsion to Suffer
Option 3. To leave the situation behind is the third available option without losing my inner peace.
Let’s give an example: suppose I’ve come to realize that one of the most relevant needs in my life is to be at peace and enjoy it, but my work demands that I remain shut up inside an office all day long, surrounded by a tense and noisy working environment, where people quarrel all the time.
Then: I resort to my first option and try to change the situation. I talk about it with my boss, ask for a transfer to another department, etc. If even so, nothing changes, I try to accept the situation such as it is.
However, I can’t; at the end of the day I’m exhausted, in bad temper, and my mind incessantly judges and complains. In other words, I suffer. In that case, I set in motion the third option: I leave the situation behind. I look for another way of earning a living which is more consistent with my principles, priorities and life values. What is important is to be clear about not negotiating our inner peace at any cost. It’s easier said than done, I know. The main obstacle I’ve found in myself and in other people is that we’re culturally programmed to be victims, to complain and suffer-and this is the fourth option we nearly always choose. We saw this option exercised while we grew up and continue to see it everywhere. We have seen our family, teachers and many other people suffering, not enjoying their lives, and became convinced that it was natural and normal.
“Life is suffering,” they say, and we agree, we believe it and turn it into truth. It can only be natural and normal inasmuch as we are unaware of who and what we really are. When we believe that we are what we aren’t, we live lying to ourselves. And the natural consequence of lying to oneself is suffering.
When we ignore that we can choose between the options and continuously pick the same option – to be a victim – then it’s almost impossible to be at peace with ourselves. In other words, we inadvertently choose to complain, to be anxious or worried. We choose to accumulate resentment, to accuse and blame others, to lie and hide, and to use many other strategies in order not to take responsibility for our lives.
Exercise Take a piece of paper and a pencil. Think about your life and try to detect the areas in which there is suffering. Answer questions 1, 2, and 3, keeping in mind that your aim is to live at peace and to enjoy life. AREA …………………………………….
