What’s Your Love Resolution?
Well, first off it starts with a game of choices. Change things or not. It’s up to you. People will observe you in love and give advice when they think you want it but the point of change is finite and unique. My beloved is a therapist and will ask his clients “have you suffered enough?” A great question to initiate the choice to change, but we do suffer until we don’t want to any more.
This is your love year and you want it to be different. You make a choice to say a huge yes to changing the way things are, but then what? Here’s my take on some things you could look at, in order to proceed with whatever situation and resolution you decide to put into action.
1) He/she won’t change. If you are in a relationship make sure your resolution doesn’t rely on expecting your honey to change. You can only change yourself. Oldie but a goodie. If your partner is abusive you can choose to walk away or try and find a way of communicating your boundaries and desires. Telling them they need to “see someone” or pushing them to sort themselves out is their business as Byron Katie would say.
2) Spiritual / self development work. If you are a self developer, have sought some form of therapy over the years or have done a shed load of workshops, good for you! I believe all the self help stuff is great as long as you don’t just wear the “done that” badge, but embrace fully what you have learned. Know that all that stuff doesn’t make relationships chug along smoothly towards happily ever after. Self development and spirituality don’t equal perfect intimate relationships even if both of you are “tooled” up from seminars etc. I have observed lots of people in the last year who assume that self healing means “job done” in their relationship. Sadly it is not the case. The conditions for healing and growth from childhood into full mature adulthood can only be done with two and must be consciously entered into by both people.
3) Self awareness is crucial. Unless you know and own what is coming from you and accept what you are doing to create your part in your reality then you can’t see what and where to change. Obvious really. Then leading on from this, you must take responsibility for yourself and your actions if you are going to change.
Offering sex to get love, for example, is not gonna cut it ladies. Trust me I have been there. Go out, meet people, but know and speak of the things you want. It is not a game of “please love me I’ll do whatever it takes”. It is “this is who I am and these are the things that feel good for me in a relationship”. Many people, I was one of them, jump blindly in and get hurt because all the ingredients that make up what they want in a partner are sadly lacking because in essence they are desperate to be loved. Open your eyes early on!
