My Stolen Moment, My Miracle to Share
by Déa Viola
More than two years have passed, and I have not gone one day without thinking about what happened “to” my life. I was given the greatest opportunity to grow and change and then change the life of others. I was chosen to live through an amazing challenge, not be glorified in the end, but to share this miracle that happened to me, my family and everyone I told.
My name is Déa Viola, I am a mother of four beautiful children. Maria Raquel, age 20, John Lucas, age 18, Thomas John, age 6, and 23 month old, Giuliana Sofia. They are all amazingly beautiful and unique. I believe all babies are miracles. I believed all babies were miracles even after I had two very difficult miscarriages.
Soon, and after one more try, I found out I was expecting once again. I did not tell a soul. Not even my husband Dan. I felt this time I should wait until the first ultrasound.
At 5 weeks and 4 days, they checked my levels of HGC (pregnancy hormone) and it was at a very high level. They thought it was promising and decided we could try to take a peak. I was so excited! I had had the horrible experience of viewing two ultrasounds with a black screen, empty, with a flat uterus lining. It was so heart breaking, not once, but twice. I thought, “Could it be? Am I going to really be OK this time?” To my surprise, there was a very uncomfortable silence during the ultrasound. The technician asked me to empty my bladder after checking a few things through a transabdominal U/S and then told me she would do one internally, called a transvaginal U/S. I was asked to get dressed and then I received the saddest news. The possibility of another miscarriage, or possibly but not likely that it was too soon to view the fetus. And that with the hormone levels I displayed, we should have seen something….the doctor told me to come back the following week and then they would repeat the ultrasound.
I went home in tears, picked up my guitar and wrote my first lullaby. I sang that lullaby all week, everyday till the day of the ultrasound. It was named “My Smallest Dream”. The dream was to be fulfilled by this tiny little life inside of me, that he or she should hang in there just a bit longer, just one more week, till I could hear his/her heartbeat. The dream was for me to be able to hold him or her, for me to able to sing to him or her, for me to be able to keep him or her or my heart would break till the end of time. So I knelt down and I prayed with all my might for the first time in my life. I did not know how God would grant me my wish, so I begged on my knees.
