My Stolen Moment, My Miracle to Share
I went to the appointment with my husband. We fought all the way there. There were so many emotions flying around. I then asked him, right before getting out of the car…”what do you want me to do? I cannot change what it is! I don’t know how to feel about this.” His answer was simple: “I just want my daughter.”
Silently, we held hands and we walked into the office.
After asking a thousand questions, we were given many different scenarios, one of which, the baby might not survive the pregnancy past 28 weeks. We did know where the cells where missing from. Amongst other less severe scenarios, there was the possibility of a functional child, even with a possible normal appearance but with the minimal growth development issues and infertility. I knew it then, that was my lead. If all I got was a baby that was going to be short, and that could not conceive a child of her own, I would take that. I would take that small chance. Yes, her life was worth it! After all, I was short, but mostly because some 40 years before, my twin sister and I were gravely ill, and we lived in an orphanage in Brazil. Our Mom, adopted us. Her unconditional love saved us. Our Mom could not have children of her own. Our Mom saved our lives, and now I thought, as a tribute to her, who had passed away many years before, it was time to “pay it forward” so that my baby might have a chance to save someone else’s life, just like my Mom had saved ours.
I knew I had an important ultrasound coming up, the level II U/S. My husband already had his mind made up so we made our decision before that U/S and right after the Genetic Counseling session. I did not need science to tell me whether it was OK or not for me to have my baby. God had given her to me, and if He wanted her back He would have to get her Himself.
Immediately, I felt the weight lifted off my burdened soul. God had chosen me to be her mom, not to be the one who chose whether she should live or not.
It was His job, and His job only, to decide that.
And even though I was clear about that, there were days when I was so scared and so sad. It was as if God had whispered in my ear: “Stand there in the dark and wait for Me to tell you what to do. I am sending a bullet your way and it is coming straight to your heart. If you believe in Me I will help you along the way. Stand still, with your eyes closed, and just waits for Me to tell you what to do”. And so I did. I trusted Him. I had no choice but to trust Him. I prayed everyday on my knees and then I cried myself to sleep. I just could not understand how God was going to grant my wish for a healthy baby girl, when I was so afraid. I told Him one night that I believed in His love for me. That I knew that He had picked me to be her mom not because He thought I could do it. He simply chose to prepare me for it.
