Victim or Survivor?
by Janice Chrysler
Are you a victim of circumstances beyond your control or a survivor by choice? Do you feel as though there are powers around you that have taken over your very existence leaving you with little or no control of your own life’s direction or have you gone deep within and touched your soul and brought to surface the strength to overcome all obstacles? Every one of us, at some time or another has felt the archetype of the victim. Perhaps there was someone who treated you badly, maybe even severally abused you or you grew up in an unhealthy environment and you were left feeling very little self-worth or love. There are definitely times when traumatic events occur beyond your control but what of the many times you may be tempted to allow the role of the victim to be your shield from making changes in your life?
Many people are surprised to find out they have been doing just that as a way to avoid making decisions especially ones that would ultimately improve their quality of life. As with all the blockages you face in moving ahead, settling into the victim role is fear based: fear of failure, fear of not being loved, fear of change itself, fear of moving out of the comfort zone even if that place is causing harm and above all, fear of self love. The very things you long for, love and compassion, you subconsciously tell yourself you do not deserve them. By allowing past experiences to be replayed within your thoughts you are reliving them and keeping yourself a victim. It may be impossible to totally forget something that has happened but if you wish to heal yourself, you need to become a survivor and release the victim; otherwise you are the one keeping yourself hostage. By blaming someone else for your inability to change, the way you feel or the reason you fear what you do, you are actually handing over the control of your life to them or to an experience.
This transformation is never easy but the process you undertake in doing so is like unlocking a prison door. You will gain such inner strength and self–esteem by rising above your own fears and negative situations that you will become empowered not only for your own life changes but you will be able to set an example for others. You will come to realize that you are the jailer who holds the key to your freedom. The lock has always been on your side of the door. Don’t allow yourself to hide behind the victim. Instead challenge that part of you to come forward, tell your story and find a solution then begin your journey one step at a time. Look around, there are many who can help you get started but you must be the one to do the work!
Remember:
- these things were events that happened to you, they are not you
- the disease is happening to your body, it is not who you are
- people love you for you, not just when you are in crisis the abuse that occurred
- when you were a child the abuse was not your fault and does not have to remain with you.
- You are the only one who can choose whether you shroud yourself with the heavy cloak of negativity woven from life experiences or whether you will cast off this robe and be free from its confinement and live as a survivor.
Which will you choose?
If you are thinking, “I would but..” then you are allowing the victim to have the say. Stop and really listen to yourself. You may not be able to change everything but you have control of your spirit. You will never get rid of the victim but rather embrace that part of you and give thanks that it could be used as a stepping stone of learning needed to assist you in gaining a higher level of inner strength and growth.
Take time for reflection and meditation to uncover the fears that are keeping the victim working in you. You are the only one in your head and heart and that is where the true strength will come from to allow the survivor to be born.
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