Warts ‘n’ All
by Gina Hardy
You are beautiful no matter what you say ! But do you accept yourself as the saying goes “warts and all ?”. My wish for everyone in a relationship is that they feel safe enough to be authentic every day of their lives, but authenticity requires being real and accepting that we are what we are now and that’s not an easy place for many. Think of someone who you admire because they are being themselves. There is no proving or showing off or acting, it’s just that they have learned that inner peace and happiness comes from being real through and through and in my experience I always enjoy being around authentic people. Their inner beauty shines through and is magnetic to others.
(for the full article and multimedia experience, click here: OM-Times June 2010 Edition)
Talking with clients and friends it seems we may all have a hidden side that only comes into being when alone. You can say and do what the hell you like when no-one is watching… right ! Expressing deep emotion, for example, for some people only feels ok to do alone for fear of others thinking they are weak or crazy or pathetic. But deep emotions are part of us and what a shame if we feel we have to hide it from others.
Our intimate partnerships are a place where our “warts” or painful bits tend to show up magnified. Once the heady days of romance have tailed off and the sleeves are rolled up for the real business of getting along together, our other half seems with skill, to bring our warts to the surface ! So what of these warts and what do they look like ?
For a moment, imagine the darker sides of you as unhealed parts of your past. Without fail we all carry disappointments and negative experiences from perhaps our childhood, school and relationships with others and alot of these past experiences hang around in the body, mind and spirit. Partners have the amazing knack of pressing the “don’t go there” buttons, but why?
Well Imago Theory (www.gettingthelove.com) states that the unhealed parts of ourselves from childhood negative experiences, will be reflected back to us in our intimate relationship for the specific job of being healed and with the aim to return to “wholeness”, which for me means authenticity, “the real me”. Fascinating theory. No wonder then, when these painful spots show up in our relationship, it is the source of conflict and suffering, because the two people involved don’t know what is really trying to happen.
Our underlying aim in life, I believe, is to be approved of and to feel we have a place on this Earth through the giving, but specifically the receiving of love. But as we grow through the delicate stages of childhood our need for love, approval and connection can and is affected by others around us. If we expressed or behaved in ways that were deemed inappropriate we avoided those ways, even if really they were ok at some level, in order to remain approved of. Ringing any bells ?
