Transforming Addictions
by Mary Cook, MA
Since the roots of addictions are unhealed negative energies, with defenses dulling their conscious pain, recovery must come from a state of grace, rather than from force or sanctions. Thus fighting against addictions, attempting to bargain with them, romanticizing or denying them all serve to reinforce their power, in that the attempted solution has the same energy as the problem.
Not only do defenses grossly underestimate the nature and magnitude of our problems, they deny our own healing abilities, inner wisdom and available spiritual assistance as well. Defense mechanisms support negative habits, not personal growth. Thus they reinforce the false belief that if we can sufficiently satisfy the addiction, we will be happy and free. The opposite is the truth; that we become increasingly miserable and enslaved as addictions continue.
The path that others have forged ahead of us in recovery is one of acceptance, honesty, patience, tolerance, understanding and perseverance. The role modeling of spiritual principles awakens us to our spiritual self and begins to soften the harsh internal voice of our human habits. When the worst accounts of our behavior are met with equanimity, compassion and insight, the energies that fuel compulsions, begin to diminish, and hope starts to flourish.
Recognizing the folly of our own efforts in self-caretaking or even self preservation, allows us to challenge and eventually surrender our self professed human importance. Spiritual awakenings are irrational, illogical, lovingly humbling, and plunge us into the deep mystery of the divine. Most of us awaken slowly over a long period of time. Yet each experience that allows us to transcend normal human perceptions facilitates the surrender of negative energies that sabotage growth. Experiencing our own positive transformations means that hope can begin to transform into faith. And even pain can become a possible portal to greater enlightenment.
One of the lessons in spiritual growth is that over-identification with our human self and material world, causes us to forget that we were born whole and holy. Thus part of us feels deprived, damaged or otherwise inferior. Another part seeks desperately and often aggressively to find something to simulate feelings of positive completion. Yet another part tries to hide feelings of unworthiness, and pretend that external fixes work. This is how we divide against ourselves and then we project this separation onto life. Alternatively, recovery is about unity, with our true self, with others, with our Higher Power, and thus with life.
Recovery tells us to be of service to others without personal motive. This also has to do with the principle of unity. The energy that we extend toward others, whether positive or negative, always returns to us magnified. Sometimes when it appears that we are helping or are involved with others, we are only using them to avoid self-awareness, personal responsibility and growth. This defensive personal motive means that we do not receive the benefit of “service”. Instead, we feel anxious, arrogant, empty, and resentful.
Helping others when we’re not being irresponsible, codependent, manipulative or otherwise defensive stimulates an inner reservoir of wisdom and compassion, allowing this part of us to strengthen. When we are honest, open-minded and reflective, being of service to others gives us a glimpse of our similarities, the importance of taking our own suggestions and of being a positive role model. The more we listen actively and attentively without judgment and mental chatter, the greater sense we have of a deeper soul connection. When we recognize that we are all family of divine birthright, the “golden rule” is easy to live, and its’ inherent mutual benefits are obvious.
Our pain comes from feelings of separation. We feel separated from that which we think will bring us happiness, health and fulfillment. We believe that our inner world holds pain and the outer world possibilities of pleasure. We listen to our human mind as if it is our God. We fear that our soul wishes us to live a stoically disciplined, spartan existence. We think power lies in money and brute force. We place our hope in the external world over which we are powerless. We act as if life is a competitive race, and yet we are only running away from ourselves.
When we’ve suffered enough pain to know that we’re going in the wrong direction and we have a sense that there is a better direction, we can begin unpacking our bags. The only way to get somewhere new is to remove what holds us back. It is our fears and false beliefs that create defenses and character defects which keep us imprisoned in the past. Life feels heavy because we carry the weight of the past and project it onto the future. We are everywhere except in this one precious moment of now. Our human minds cannot create goals without fears. Nor can they create solutions without making new problems. Our cravings for people, places and things delay our journey in the light of spiritual truth. It is the surrender of human willfulness in favor of divine will that creates a foundation for the highest good.
We are created from divine love and it is our personal relationship with our Higher Power that reminds us of this. Our inner world holds hidden pain waiting to be healed and liberated. Our inner world holds pleasure ready to burst forth behind the buried pain. Our human mind is obsessively repetitive and severely limited in scope. It primarily focuses on fears, habits and problems. Our soul invites us to make full positive use of every gift and talent that we have, and to receive and experience all of the miracles and blessings our God wishes to give us. True power lies in spiritual love. Once we fully face ourselves in this present moment, with nothing else on our mind, we know the beauty, glory and grace of this life.
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About the Author
Mary Cook is the author of “Grace Lost and Found: From Addictions and Compulsions to Satisfaction and Serenity”, available from Barnes & Noble bookstores, Amazon.com, etc. She has over 35 years of clinical practice and 29 years of university teaching experience. She is a national speaker and has a private practice in San Pedro, CA. Mary is available for telephone and office counseling, guided meditation, speaking engagements and in-service training MaryCookMA@att.net and www.marycookma.com.
