Are You Inviting or Blocking Possible Love Interests?
By Cheri Valentine
Although I am often on the prowl for someone special to date, it’s those times when I least expect it, that men are attracted to me like bears to honey. It seems to me that when I resemble the Bride of Frankenstein or Godzilla and act like them too, those men seem to pop out of thin air and land in front of me. And yet, those times when I spend hours primping in front of the mirror and changing outfits until I emerge feeling like a queen of the night, that I am grateful for the company of the bartender. It’s not just me, either. I witness it with my friends and with strangers. Being an avid people watcher, I have often observed that the women surrounded by men are not what you would consider classic beauties. Why is this? What factors play into this phenomenon? What IS the common denominator whether men approach women or not?
So I began to query men as to what attracted them to one woman versus another. The response I heard repeatedly was that some women seem more approachable.
Approachable? What the BLEEP does that mean? So I asked them. Men are drawn to women who are friendly, smile often, and seem relaxed and happy. Women who exude ease and confidence are far more inviting to men than women whose body language and facial expressions are frozen in permanent anger of how much men suck, and silently scream “Back off, Bud!” Contrary to popular belief, men are not that complicated. They don’t want to think or work hard. They want it to be easy.
With this information in mind, I circled back to previous experiences and began to pay attention to new ones. When I smiled, made eye contact, and even said, “Hello,” or held an expression that welcomed while I looked around, rather than stare icily into space, I was more approachable.
Being relaxed, content, and happy, not tense, anxious or filled with hope that someone would find me appealing also made me more approachable. I realized that what I projected made the difference and it was these qualities that made me attractive, not the superficial things such as how I fixed my hair, whether I wore makeup, what clothes I was wearing, or whether I had 3 volcanic pimples on my face about to erupt…which is often the case!
Upon further reflection I recognized that you could meet men anywhere! We all seem to be stuck in this illusion that it is impossible to meet men or that you have to frequent the night life scene looking like a vamped coquette to meet them. Yet, I can now share stories of how women have met men in the most common spots at the most seemingly inopportune times, like the grocery store, waiting for a shuttle at the airport, sitting next to one on a flight, waiting in line at the bank, walking out of yoga class, pumping gas, walking their dog, just to name a few. So ladies, remember that to meet men, it matters not where you are, but who you are, and that you are approachable as yourself which is great, but what do we do after we meet them? I meet them all the time. I want to keep one!
Sadie Jackson, a fictional heroine, is back on the dating scene for the third time. After two trial marriages, she is bound and determined to get it right. She can be nauseatingly optimistic and enjoys recounting her dating experiences with humor and compassion. Follow her dating escapades in this work of fiction that will be updated on a regular basis.
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