Life Not Going Like You Planned? 7 Tips to Handle Change

By Laura Goldberg, M.A.

We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us. ~Joseph Campbell

When we are experiencing an unanticipated life transition, many things that we believed to be true are no more. Most of us will be required to let go of things that no longer fit in our lives. Letting go is uncomfortable and we tend to resist it. Even if we believe that change is a good thing, it is still challenging to find our sense of equilibrium. It may feel like we are on one of those moving walkways found at the airport. There are bumps along the way that knock us around. We instinctively reach for the handrail to help steady ourselves. As we attempt to navigate our way past the bumps, it is important to remember that it is natural to feel off balance for a while. How can we get off the old track and onto the new without a time of unsteadiness?

During periods of immense change, there are things that we can do to lighten our loads. The following seven golden nuggets will help you to manage your life transition in a more effective way:

1.  First and foremost it is important to arrange our lives so that we feel as safe as possible. Some of us may have enjoyed a special blanket or stuffed animal when we were young. Remember that feeling of utter bliss and safety we felt when we snuggled that lovely piece of soft cloth or fur? We can replicate that feeling of comfort by playing soothing music, burning a fragrant candle, or reading an uplifting passage from a favorite book. Even frequenting a familiar coffee shop where someone knows our name, or shopping at a favorite grocery store, can bring us back to a place of peace. On Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, safety is a basic psychological need and should be a high priority for all of us.

2.  It is also beneficial to practice rituals that allow us to quiet our minds and refresh our spirits. Communing with nature and grounding ourselves in the earth can be very helpful. There is something very gratifying about connecting with nature. It is as if for a brief moment of time, we truly remember who we are and why we are here. Allowing our senses to indulge in the magnificence of nature can be quite soothing.

3.  Engaging in a creative activity where we are immersed in the flow can provide us with a sense of contentment. Play can be very therapeutic. Remember as a young child swinging in the park, playing ball, painting a picture, or belting out a favorite song? Anything where we are totally engrossed in the moment can bring us back to a place of joy and peace.

4.  When we are going through times of change, allowing our feelings to come to the surface rather than stuffing them will expedite the change process. Ignoring our feelings can feel fine for a while. However, at some point we have to release our uncomfortable feelings if we are going to free up our energy for new positive experiences. Since awareness is the first step to change, recognizing our feelings and making a conscious choice to release them can be very helpful. Utilizing the skills of a professional counselor or health care practitioner can assist us to manage our feelings in an effective manner.

5.  We must be very kind to ourselves as we embark on this new chapter in our lives. Treating ourselves with gentleness and compassion is so important during this time of great change. Our emotions may run rampant without us even realizing it. We may be hypervigilant as we try to navigate unfamiliar environments. Loud sounds may seem threatening, small issues such as missing keys or a warning light flashing in the car can send us into a tailspin. Frequently things may seem exaggerated and we may over react to anything or everything. This is to be expected as we try to regain our homeostasis. The key is to remember to nurture ourselves with extra love and patience.

6.  Practice kindness and compassion with others. We never know what another person is going through. A smile or a friendly hello can make such a huge difference. Sometimes people that need our love the most seem quite unlovable. The ability to see the Divine in everyone is a selfless act of love.

7.  It is important to roll with change as we are pushed down the moving walkways of life. The Universe will help propel us forward if we work with it. If we attempt to fight it, we may become unsteady and slow down the process. There is a natural flow to all of life and the more we respect it, the more at peace we will be. The life we may have planned is officially over. It is time to make way for the amazing life that is waiting for us, as we practice gratitude for that which is on its way.

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Laura Goldberg has a Master’s Degree in Counseling Psychology, a Bachelor’s Degree in Child Development, and a California Teaching Credential. She has worked with under served youth and their families as a Child and Family Therapist in the Foster Care System, a Positive Parenting Educator for Burmese refugees, and a Math and ESL Tutor. Currently Laura is a Life Coach helping individuals navigate the waters of change. Utilizing a strength-based approach, she has had the honor to assist many individuals work towards empowerment and increase their quality of life. Read more of Laura Goldberg’s inspirational writing  at: http://navigatingthewatersofchange.wordpress.com