What is Sexy? – Redefining Your Erotic Sense of Self
Have you ever taken a moment to just reflect on what makes you feel and look sexy?
How Do Women Define What Makes Them Look and Feel Sexy?
By Luminessa Enjara
This is a question I have asked myself for quite some time. I even offer a workshop for women exploring this very issue. Women have been told for hundreds, if not thousands of years, what they have to look like in order to be a “sexy” woman. Today we have Madison Ave. ads, fashion magazines, movies and music lyrics that tell us how you can be a “sexier” you. We are constantly bombarded with messages that tell us how we should look, act, think, feel and what we should wear in order to be a sex goddess, have a fulfilling sex life, have the man of our dreams, and so on.
With all of our advancement in the workplace, in some political arenas and with some of our male/female relationships, women are still living within the framework of the old paradigm that was created some 10,000 years ago. Although the standards of what men define as “sexy” may have changed, the attitudes have not. You may find that you are still defining yourself according to these standards that most of us had no part in creating.
Have you ever taken a moment to just reflect on what makes you feel and look sexy? What types of clothing make you feel that you have a sexy body, or that you are a sexually powerful woman? If you were to take a look at your wardrobe, what would you find that truly reflects how you define what being and looking like a sexy woman is? You may think that the choices you have made are your own, but are they really? Where do we get these ideas of what sexy looks like, or what a sexy body is supposed to be?
Not too difficult a question really, for as I already mentioned, these ideas that we often think are our own are only a reflection of what our society and culture dictate to us; in this case, what our male-dominated culture has told us. For thousands of years since the inception of patriarchy, men have set down the standards of beauty and sexuality for women and women have essentially been trying to live out those ideals. In a recent book I read by Naomi Wolfe, The Beauty Myth, I learned quite a bit about how Madison Ave. works to train the minds of women to buy whatever they wish to sell. Now, women work in this industry too, so it is not just men who tell us what to buy. What disturbed me the most was reading that women actually believe in what they are being told to buy without much question and this is primarily due to the fact that a great many women have very low self-esteem and do not trust their own judgment. So what does this all mean and how can we be the change that we desire to have?
Redefining Your Erotic Sense of Self
Begin by taking the time to ask yourself a few questions:
1) What makes you feel like a sexy woman?
2) What choices can you make that would reflect what you feel sexy is for you?
3) What makes you feel beautiful?
Then go deep within yourself to find your own answers. You might be surprised as to what kinds of answers you receive. Since beauty is in the eye of the beholder, you must train yourself to see the beauty in yourself and to begin to really question what the media or the collective consensus is telling you.
In my workshop Unveiling the Sacred Erotic Feminine, women are given an opportunity to come into the workshop dressed the way they feel about their erotic selves. One woman dresses in black veils, another wears long flowing robes, one is flamboyant and one comes as a nun. What these women showed us in this exercise was how they felt about their sexual and erotic nature. You too can do something similar by playing with your clothes and trying on different costumes that portray how you feel about your sexual self. Doing this exercise will help you discover how you really feel about your sexuality and from there you can begin to explore your authentic sexual expression.
In order for women to break free of the old paradigm, we must make our own choices about what is sexy to us without the influence of the media and the dictates of a male-dominated world. We live in an age where creating our reality begins and ends with us. So it is important for you to question everything, to ask yourself how you feel about what is being told to you by the powers that be and to accept nothing unless you feel it is a true expression of who you are. All women have the opportunity to shift from the old way we have been programmed, to a new way of being for ourselves. The time has come for you and me to find out what it means for us to be in our authentic sexual power and then to choose for ourselves how to express that.
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This article was originally published on 1 September 2012.
About the Author
Luminessa Enjara is the co-founder of Women Talking Sex and the founder of The School of Womyn’s Mysteries and of Soul Support. She has been a teacher of Sacred Sexuality, Women’s Sexuality, and New Thought Metaphysics for over 25 years. Luminessa has a B.A. in Psychology, B.S. in Ministerial Science, and is an ordained minister and priestess and Certified Shamanic Counselor.
She is also a Tantric sex educator and writer for the Examiner.com and has a private practice offering Soul Mentoring/Akashic Record consultations and spiritual guidance through a variety of teachings and techniques. Luminessa’s expertise is grounded in years of study and training as a practitioner of both Tantra and Spiritual Metaphysics. Her sessions are conducted in person, by phone or Skype.
