Three Ways to Play Hide and Seek with Our Souls
By Nadia Khalil Bradley
There is a warmth to us even when we try to hide, all the while begging to be seen. We try to hide who we really are, even as we strive to be open to hearing what others think about us.
The issues of the soul are not easy. People try to hide them in many places but others can still see them. We’re amazed that people try to hide their issues at all when we can see them so clearly. However, we can’t help them by talking subliminally as though it’s not going on. The tricky part is figuring out the things we can say to others that we see as being their issues, without having that person react negatively to being called out on their behavior. The trick is in figuring out how to say the truth so that the person has space to see themselves without being singled out or feeling attacked for how they deal with their insecurities or their pain.
This does not make for a warm fireside chat; it makes for a parting of the seas until the waters can flow together again. We need to accept that the emotional cities that we create within ourselves are a part of us and who we are. Having these discussions while cooking, walking or sitting around a table full of food, seems to be the best bet for these types of discussions.
We think that when we are around others, how we dress ourselves emotionally and physically is how we will be seen. What we say is what they hear and how we say it is how it really is. We “present” the person that we want to be that day, all the while holding our breaths wondering if anyone can “really” see us.
THE THREE WAYS WE HIDE OUR SOULS FROM EACH OTHER ARE:
1. We talk about other people that do what we do as though it were not okay and we judge them in order to distract from ourselves. However, when we do this, we then have to carry the extra burden of hiding that same thing in us so that no one knows that we do it too. We pretend that we are above the very behavior that we want to hide. This is usually due to feeling shame for our actions and beliefs. When others agree with us in our judgments, it reinforces this feeling of shame. We’ve now created a situation to further shame ourselves and attack our own self worth.
2. We dress in a certain way to show that we are above reproach in what we are doing. We may dress nicely without a flaw, matching everything, carefully picking out cloths to portray a certain image. Or we dress in a way where we will not be noticed so that we can “invisibly” do what we need to do. When we dress comfortably, we feel comfortable with ourselves and others are “allowed” to feel comfortable with us. When we overdress, we alienate others in the same way that we alienate ourselves. When we dress down as to be invisible, that is when we need a time out from life to get to the tasks at hand and that’s the message that we send out.
3. We don’t accept help from others because then we run the risk of others seeing our vulnerabilities and we want our image of perfection to remain intact. This is the most isolating one of the three because we look like we are stronger than we really are. We look like we don’t need anyone to help us, yet we are in dire need of that help. So we find ourselves doing everything for everyone else and keeping people at bay from knowing us fully. Others see us as someone who helps others and soon they do not even ask us if there is anything we may need. We then feel like no one cares about us, when in truth, it is us who doesn’t know how to care about ourselves.
We may appear kind and loving, and yet when we do this we feel alone and unloved. What is hidden here? In this case we are hiding what we think is not perfect in us by being perfect on the outside. We have nullified that we have needs, wants and desires. We know how to give, yet we do not know how to receive, and when we do not know how to receive our giving is self motivated in that we need to do it to avoid affections, emotional nourishment and depth in our lives. We are keeping everyone around us at arm’s length by outwardly professing that we can take everything on by ourselves.
The hiding and seeking of our souls is the story of our lives. We live our lives trying to learn how to accept ourselves and when we do, we then allow others to accept us. When we can’t figure out how to accept ourselves, the repellent automatically takes over and this is when we get defensive. We try to prove that what others are saying to us is wrong. We think that others will notice our vulnerabilities so we try to mask them. If someone says they see the real us, we internally respect them for being so smart but at the same time we fight them for being smarter than our lie; and that’s when conflict begins. This makes for an emotional divide as well as the distance and destruction of many relationships.
Whenever there is conflict in any part of your life ask yourself why you would rather have conflict than resolution. Ask yourself why you need to put so much energy into hiding rather than seeking a solution. Find out where it is that you feel that you cannot be seen as you really are. Don’t kid yourself: whatever you can see in you, others can see in you. We are walking billboards of our emotions. We are never really hiding anything and we go around blaming anyone who can see us rather than accepting ourselves for who we are.
Accepting our soul as a loving soul, knowing we are not perfect but we are pure, allowing life to teach us rather than us trying to control it, allows us to enjoy the pleasures of our souls rather the imperfections that we focus on. If we were perfect we would be bored. Enjoy the blueprint of what you carry inside and allow its freedom to do what it came here to do. Feel accepted no matter what you do, who you are and why you did it. That very acceptance will turn hiding into freedom.
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Nadia Khalil Bradley is the author of “Little Wing” and “Origins of Truth.” She is getting ready to release her latest book, “Original Love.” Nadia is a teacher of accountability, growth and love. Through her books and writings she takes your soul on a journey of self discovery that will ultimately lead you to live in a state of utmost truth, love and purity. Visit Nadia at Nadiakhalil.com to learn more.
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