Cancer Teaches One Woman to Love Herself
Another student, Judy Stoltenberg, began taking classes with Laurie last year, at the age of 64! Judy says, “When I began, Laurie was recovering from breast cancer and still had several reconstructive surgeries ahead of her. Her willingness to share her pain and the strength that had come into her life because of her cancer was remarkable and an inspiration.”
Laurie acknowledges that the years of doing yoga prepared her for dealing with the diagnosis and all the change it thrust into her life, physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.
“Yoga is uniting body, mind and spirit so it’s a holistic model of approaching yourself from all those different angles. Cancer tries to shatter that whole.”
Looking at having cancer from the yogic perspective, Laurie understands it was a call for her to look even more deeply at how she cared for herself. “I wasn’t always taking the best care of myself. I allowed my high standards to drive me. There also were other areas of my life that hadn’t fully healed.”
“Even though I ‘knew better,’ childhood and cultural programming is so ingrained and so hard to change. Before the cancer, I was my own worst critic. If I got sick or injured, I felt like my body betrayed me. I’m not supposed to get sick, not supposed to get cancer. Now, God, the universe, was sending the message: ‘Hey girl, you’re not exempt because you’re some yoga teacher.’ It’s crazy but we, especially women, almost need to be diagnosed with something to give ourselves permission to slow down and to properly take care of body, mind and spirit.”
“I Didn’t Fight My Cancer; I Loved Myself”
“The marketing propaganda tells people to fight cancer. I didn’t fight my cancer; I loved my body. I loved myself. Before I lost my breast, I would lie down at night with my hand over my breast and say, to my whole self, really: ‘Thank you for being part of me. I’m sorry that I didn’t always care of you. I forgive you for having cancer.’
This evening ritual, and learning to reach out to her community of students, peers, other cancer patients and medical practitioners created an incredible change in how Laurie related with her body, and how she saw herself. Her faith was tested, but remained strong. She learned that she was worthy to receive the outpouring of support, love and caring from the community that surrounded her—that was, in a large way, a community she created.
