The Gift of Presence

By Lisa White

Everyone wants to be seen…needs to be seen and acknowledged for their presence on this planet. How do you see the people in your life?

Do you see them as a purple sweater running by on the way to the front door on their way to work?

Do you see them as tangled hair that you need to brush and put into a ponytail at the beginning of the day?

Maybe you see them as a wallet handing you the money you need to do the grocery shopping for the week?

Do you see their face?

Do you see their eyes?

Do you really SEE them…see their essence…see their soul?

Do you see their insecurity?

Do you see their fear?

Do you see their triumphs?

Do you see their despair?

This holiday season, make a point to really SEE the person standing in front of you. They may not look how you want them to look, but what you acknowledge may be better than what you desire or expect from them.

Last week, I had the privilege of listening to a homeless man tell me his story and share his shame at botching yet again another suicide attempt. A privilege you may wonder? Yes, a privilege. This man stood in front of me, shared his shame and asked for help. It was a beautiful sight to me…an authentic sight. It was more beautiful than any person with the perfect nails, the beautiful dress and the trendiest of haircuts. It was raw and it was LIFE.

The most favorite moment of my life is when I see my son. It’s one of those moments when the “to do” list disappears, I can’t hear the phone and time stands still. It’s one of those moments when we share a laugh and we look into each others eyes and really see the souls within. I know when that moment is truly connected. My son knows that I see him and I know that he sees me because his eyes twinkle. They really do twinkle like little stars coming out of this little body! He shows the dimple under his eye and his eyes twinkle. He sees me and I see him. We are two souls on this planet sharing a moment. I’m not the mom, he’s not the son. I don’t need him to like me. He doesn’t need to be “good”. We’re just two people sharing an authentic moment that suspends itself in time. I love that experience and I appreciate it whether it’s a homeless man sharing his struggles or my son with his eyes twinkling.

Being seen is a gift that we can all give each other if we just…slow…down. Forget the phone. Your “to dos” will be there to get done. The Christmas gifts will still need to be wrapped. Your job will still be there to be worked. Your dinner will still be there to be cooked.

But, that one moment of seeing and being seen passes in a blink.

Some of us choose to commit crimes, buy fancy cars, homes and clothes, throw tantrums and cut up in class to be seen. It’s a shame that we need to result to such means to make sure that SOMEONE, even a stranger on this planet, acknowledges our presence and sees the joy, the fear, the struggle, the success that we ALL embody together in this collective experience called life.

So, if you’re stumped on what to give this holiday season, give the gift of presence. See the person standing in front of you.