Carole Brody Fleet Happily EVEN After

I began thinking about all of the different issues that the widowed face and how there was virtually no support or direction available. While I had found (and still own) plenty of grief recovery books, those books seemed to discuss grief and ONLY grief. Of course, that discussion is fine for a while, but I had a lot of other questions that went far beyond just talking about grief and loss and the paralyzing pain of it all. For example, how do I go about claiming benefits from the government? Am I even eligible to receive benefits from the government? How do I help my grieving child when I can’t even get out of my pajamas? How do I handle the silly (at best) or downright insensitive and hurtful (at worst) things that people are saying to me? What do I do about my wedding rings because everyone certainly has an opinion about the subject. Is it OK to think about dating again? What about falling in love? And who is that person in the mirror staring at back me, because I sure don’t recognize her! These issues and so many more like them needed attention and as I’m so fond of saying, “If you can’t find it – create it”.

Omtimes: Did you know this was something you wanted to do immediately after you lost your husband or only after several years had passed?

Carole: You cannot lead where you have not yet been. You cannot “teach it” if you have not yet “reached it.” I felt that I could not advise knowledgeably about things such as post-loss dating, love and intimacy; helping grieving children transition and recover; settling legal and financial matters; dealing with negative or insensitive people and so forth until I had experienced all of it (and more) myself. Once I had gone through all of the transitioning over a period of several years, I then felt in a position to teach others how to deal with most widowhood issues from a place of personal knowledge and insight (with a few caveats thrown in!).