Illuminate the Committee in Your Head – Day 7

Illuminate the Committee in Your Head Day 7

By Stephanie Foley

Day 7 – Triangle of Disempowerment

Draw triangle as big as you can on a single sheet of paper and in each corner, write one of the following words:  victim, bully, rescuer.  Then in each corresponding corner, write the names or initials of a person in your life who has played any of these roles.  We are nearly always acting out these roles and we switch roles regularly as our life dramas unfold.

For example, consider a case of domestic abuse.  Let’s call Jim an elderly man who lives with his daughter, Sue.  The third character in our little drama will be Dr. Jones.

One day, Jim is at an appointment with Dr. Jones and reveals that Sue is often cruel and he feels like a victim of his daughter’s bullying.  Dr. Jones decides to rescue Jim by having a talk with Sue.

Sue is exhausted.  She cares for her aging father Jim while she works a full time job.  She cannot remember the last time she has had a moment to herself.  Today she brought her dad to see Dr. Jones and after the appointment the Dr. asked to speak with her.  She was stunned and felt completely victimized when Dr. Jones asked her about how she talks to her father and if she understands the concept of domestic violence.  Embarrassed and angry she gives Dr. Jones the cold shoulder and leaves with Jim.

The next time Jim had an appointment with Dr. Jones, a change in medication is prescribed.  Jim doesn’t understand Dr. Jones instructions and asks for Sue to join the conversation.  Jim wants Sue to rescue him from this place of confusion.  At first Dr. Jones tries to discourage the idea (thinking he is rescuing Jim if he can understand how to take the medication on his own), but Jim becomes increasingly agitated and confused.  Sue is brought into the conversation and ultimately ends up rescuing Dr. Jones from a tired and confused old man’s short temper.