Do You Suffer from the Imposter Syndrome?
By Anne Dranitsaris, Ph.D.
Imposter Syndrome is a collection of behaviors and negative feelings formed around a pervasive idea and fear that you are not as good as other people think you are. No matter how much praise you receive or what you achieve, this idea does not change.
If you suffer from Imposter Syndrome, you tend to believe that you and what you achieve are never good enough. You also think that you aren’t as qualified, as smart, or as talented as others believe, and that you’re effectively an “imposter” or a “fake” who hasn’t yet been discovered. You don’t share your authentic self with others for fear that you will be rejected or devalued in some way.
Your energy goes into trying to be perfect lest anyone discover your vulnerabilities or the emotions you perceive as weaknesses.
While it is not officially a recognized psychological disorder, the Imposter Syndrome is at the root of other disorders – i.e. anxiety, eating, dissociative disorders, to name a few.
Interestingly, the Impostor Syndrome is most common among high performers. To others, it comes as a surprise when they find out that someone they have known for years has suffered in painful silence.
Many of my clients come into therapy with this Syndrome interfering with the quality of their lives, their happiness and their ambition. Sensitivity to criticism, stories with themselves as the perpetual victim, a feeling of invisibility, and free floating anxiety are all present in these people. Because of the secret shame felt by people who have this Syndrome, they don’t seek help. Admitting to needing help breaks the barrier of pretense that gets in the way of shifting from this very effective coping strategy that was needed to survive but has outlived its usefulness.
Do you often have the feeling that you really don’t know what you’re doing despite having done it before?
Do you think it’s just a matter of time before someone will realize you aren’t who they think you are and expose you as a fraud?
Do you feel anxious when you start a new project or learn something new, thinking that you should know things faster or easier than you do?
This feeling is known as the “Impostor Syndrome,” and is an indication that a person is living from their survival self rather than their authentic self. Since it was first identified in the late 1970s by researchers at the Georgia State University, it is estimated earned that more than 70 percent of the population experiences these and other symptoms of the Syndrome.
As human beings, each of us needs to feel whole; to feel that we are “enough” to stand up to the challenges and adventures of life without feeling frightened and overwhelmed. Having the confidence to do this comes from having a secure attachment to our caregivers during childhood which allowed us to individuate and to develop a healthy sense of self. This secure base allows us to be aware of who we are, our strengths, weaknesses, desires and needs and to feel entitled to have them, without apology. This self – our authentic self – is constant, enduring and unaffected by setbacks and disappointments, the behavior of others, or the situation we happen to be in.
When we don’t live from our authentic self because of failures of attachment in childhood, we have a more fragile sense of self and a pervasive, underlying sense of anxiety. We fear others will discover our vulnerabilities or weaknesses and reject us for having them. We judge and compare ourselves to others or what we think others expect of us. With a heightened sensitivity to criticism, we are constantly on the alert to make sure that we are seen as perfect. We adapt to what others want us to be, looking outside of ourselves for validation. Rather than having a self that is secure and constant, our sense of self is regulated by our achievements, how we feel we are being treated by others and our negative self-talk and judgments. This over-riding feeling of insecurity and self-protective behaviors is called the Imposter Syndrome.
Most people with this Syndrome are high achievers who have accomplished much in their lives. However, because they are perfectionistic and driven, they are unable to rest and enjoy the fruits of their achievements. Whether it is at work or in the home, their drive keeps them busy and productive at all times. They have to keep going as they are unable to tolerate how they feel when alone or at rest. They overcompensate in the external world for the feelings of emptiness and inadequacy they feel inside of them.
Developmental Delays Cause the Imposter Syndrome
Our innate drive to become whole and to become our authentic self moves us through different stages of emotional\brain development. We go from dependence on our mother (primary caregiver) and other adults through the normal stages of separation through childhood and adolescence, arriving at adulthood where the strengthening of our authentic, independent self is ongoing. Feeling whole or complete within ourselves gives us the confidence to go out into the world and have experiences that allow us to fulfill our potential. When we are living from our authentic self, we remain open to new experiences; seek relationships that satisfy our needs; delay gratification as we work toward our goals; and recover easily from disappointment, failures and frustrations.
During normal development, our energy goes into strengthening neural pathways in the brain that support our emotional maturation. When children are forced to put their energy into protecting themselves from the distress of suboptimal conditions and relationships, frustrated needs and painful experiences, their energy goes into strengthening their adaptive or false self, the self that ensures their psychological survival. When they are using this self, they disconnect from any feelings of vulnerability, pain and anxiety they would otherwise experience. When they live this way for too long, they begin to lose connection to their authentic self, their needs and in some cases, their potential. This means that a false self-responsible for survival takes on a life of their own, belying the needs and feelings of the fragile authentic self within.
Development in childhood can be derailed for many reasons, many of them unintentional. By the demands of parents and society to adapt or conform excessively; by repetitive, ongoing stressors or trauma during childhood; or by failure to recognize the distinct need of the child. These children reach adulthood in a state of incomplete emotional development, only feeling whole when there is someone else with them meeting their needs or through activities that temporarily make them feel whole. In this state of dependency, they look to their relationships, work and substances to regulate their self-esteem. An overriding sense of fragility, anxiety and insecurity lives inside of them despite looking and being successful in the outer world.
We all, to some extent, cultivate a false self for protection, but most of us are aware of it, we know we’re putting on a bit of an act in certain situations. But those whose survival self is all that they know are not aware of the self-hidden deep in protection below the surface.
Unrealistic Expectations When Trying New Things
People with Imposter Syndrome have unrealistic expectations of how quickly they should learn new things and have difficulty tolerating the anxiety they feel when they are in the learning process. They feel embarrassed when they make a mistake and over apologize for taking up too much of the instructor’s time. They are more likely to learn on their own and gain mastery without embarrassment. Often they will refuse to develop or try new things.
Discounting Praise
Even when they are recognized for their achievements, these people are unable to accept or to take in the praise they are given. The way they feel inside takes priority over the reality of the level of success they have reached or the external proof of their competence. As a result, they never build confidence or feel whole.
Unable to Say ‘No”
These people feel compelled to agree to every request, and would rather juggle a million jobs than refuse to help or appear limited in any way. Fear of being seen as inadequate causes them to take on more than they are able at the expense of themselves. Their fear of rejection, being disliked or criticized and the guilt they feel for not being enough for others undermines their lives. They seem to act as though they have no sense of their own value as a human being or know they are entitled to say no when it costs them too much.
Denying the Self
Anxiety and fear of being exposed stops those with the Imposter Syndrome to go after positions or careers they desire. While fully capable of achieving these things, feelings of inadequacy, of not being enough get in the way of actually trying. They convince themselves they don’t really want something or wait for someone else to discover them and validate them. They act as though they don’t need anyone or anything, keeping feelings of anxiety that come when depending on others at bay.
Self-Devaluation
These people interfere with their development by telling themselves that they are not as smart, talented or accomplished as others. They feel that they only achieve through their extraordinary effort and because they work harder and longer than everyone else. They believe if they were really smart, they wouldn’t have to work so hard. Imposters will attribute their career success to luck and anyone could achieve what they have. They devalue their achievements, taking away any opportunity to gain confidence.
Perfectionism
Imposter Syndrome people suffer from the idea that what they produce is never good enough. They will go over and above what is actually required, judging their work to be lacking and inadequate. They also judge their physical attributes, telling themselves they aren’t attractive or thin enough, spending excessive amounts of time on their appearance. This can lead to eating disorders, obsessive working out or compulsive shopping.
Living a Lie
People with the Imposter Syndrome first create their survival self to ward off pain and anxiety caused by what is going on in their childhood. They learn to deny reality to keep the authentic self-safe and hidden. This survival self is constructed to help the child gain acceptance, a sense of their place in the family and even a sense of personal power. They comes to rely on it to maintain their status quo, however, their authentic self can get lost in the process of surviving. They hide it so effectively that they can no longer find it. All they know is that they don’t feel authentic and are anxious and afraid much of the time.
Learning to Live Authentically
The Imposter Syndrome responds extremely well to both Cognitive Behavior Therapy and Psychodynamic Psychotherapy. Rewiring the brain so that the authentic self emerges through the disassembling of the Survival Self and the revealing of the coping strategies of childhood that led to its development. Clients can go through a period of feeling very vulnerable and emotional because they are removing their coping strategy and exposing the pain underneath it. But over time new emotional habits get created and new ways of healthy coping get practiced and adopted. And this person can become much more comfortable “living in their own skin”.
While the Impostor Syndrome gets those who suffer from it to work harder to make sure they achieve in the outer world, it also stops them s from taking big risks, to love and be loved fully; and to not be as bold or as adventurous as they e might otherwise be. From an evolutionary perspective, this type of survival behavior might have made sense at some point, but now only serves to get in the way.
Messages and lessons learned as children form neural pathways in the brain that shape the way you think about yourself. If you have been taught to doubt yourself or have been devalued or shamed for authentically expressing yourself, you will have issues with your self-worth. Therapy helps you to consciously consider and define yourself as objectively as possible and redefine and reject the messages you were given and accepted.
Changing long standing thinking patterns means cultivating, through the practice of mindfulness, the ability to observe and reflect on dysfunctional thinking patterns. It means catching yourself when you are thinking automatic negative thoughts and to assess the validity of the thoughts. Our brain throws up feelings that have to do with the past and nothing to do with the present. Learning to not pay attention to these thoughts and feelings frees you to live your life fully in the present moment, seeing yourself in a realistic light.
Psychotherapy helps you identify automatic negative thoughts and thinking patterns and helps you cultivate your authentic self. Living life thinking that you are only as good as your next achievement or that you will surely be exposed as the fraud you believe you are is no way to live your life. You can break free of this distressing syndrome and change the way you see and relate to yourself. Getting the help you need is the first step in breaking the taboo of the Imposter Syndrome and living life authentically. It is entirely within your control.
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About the Author
Anne Dranitsaris, Ph.D. is a Clinical Psychotherapist and Corporate Therapist. Connect with her at: www.annedranitsaris.com
