Inside the Mind of a Sociopath
What exactly is a sociopath and why do they act the way they do?
What is a Sociopath and What Makes Them Tick?
As we go through life, we like to think that the people we encounter are more-or-less like us: kind, caring, reasonable and decent. It’s hard to imagine that there might be someone in our circle of acquaintances who might have Antisocial Personality Disorder.
Unfortunately, antisocial individuals live and work among us. Being unaware of their presence and how they operate puts us at a great disadvantage. Also known as sociopaths, these people are the ultimate predators; exploiting and abusing the weak, the innocent and the ignorant. The better we understand them, the safer we’ll be.
What, exactly, is a sociopath? It’s someone who, for reasons not well understood, lacks all empathy or basic human kindness. They see others merely as objects for their use and have no qualms about manipulating or exploiting anyone or any situation to their best advantage.
A sociopath’s brain is wired very differently than a normal person’s, and we should never assume that we’re playing by the same set of rules. We must understand that sociopaths have their own, unique way of operating
A sociopath isn’t immoral so much as amoral. The notion of right or wrong is irrelevant to them. Their raison d’etre is to get what they want. They may prey on an individual, a family, an institution or even a whole country, depending on their level of power and influence.
They have no conscience and feel no remorse when they’ve done something wrong. They feel justified in every aspect of their behavior; often blaming their victim and believing that “they had it coming” or that “they brought it on themselves.”
On the other hand, the sociopath feels like the wronged party whenever they haven’t prevailed. They can be paranoid, assuming that others are out to get them or are trying to take something away from them. They are vengeful and will exact severe retribution if they feel thwarted or attacked.
A sociopath will rarely take “No” for an answer. They are relentless in the pursuit of their goals. They become enraged when frustrated and will behave punitively toward anyone who they believe has gotten in their way.
This type of person can be highly impulsive and unconstrained by the usual human self-preservation instincts. If we expect that they won’t do something because it’s risky or foolhardy, we’ll be wrong. There’s very little to stop them from putting themselves in harm’s way in the pursuit of their goals.
The sociopath in our midst can be the charming con-artist; the married celebrity with a pristine public persona but multiple secret mistresses; the ultra-charismatic, corrupt politician or the evangelical minister with an enormous, generous congregation.
A sociopath strongly craves a position of power, and will frequently seek out jobs where they can dominate, control or oppress others. Lawyers, police officers, doctors, teachers, coaches, clergy, therapists, CEOs, and politicians will always have a certain number of sociopaths in their ranks.
In their roles as leaders of industry and society, sociopaths can do a lot of harm. Examples of this are big corporate polluters, CFOs who steal millions from their shareholders; police officers who abuse the citizens they’re honor-bound to protect; and coaches who take advantage of their young charges.
Other examples are therapists who sleep with troubled clients; politicians who make billions for their own private companies through war-mongering; modern-day spiritual leaders whose true goal is to sexually or financially exploit naive followers and investment gurus who promote Ponzi schemes and later blame their victims for their “greed.”
Sociopathy, like any other psychological disorder, has a range of severity. People who merely have antisocial traits tend to be thoughtless and insensitive. They are cold, calculating, greedy and overly-entitled.
Sociopaths have no qualms about breaking society’s rules or using others as stepping-stones on their way up the ladder of success. Still, many are able to cultivate a benign or even sweet demeanor, which enables them to ingratiate themselves to potential victims.
On the extreme end of the sociopathic range are the rapists, sadists and serial killers who take pleasure in causing humiliation and pain. Then there are the pimps, blackmailers, and members of motorcycle gangs and other types of organized crime. They employ charm and seduction or bribery, coercion and intimidation to entrap their victims.
The more intelligent the sociopath, the more dangerous they are. These people are the predators of the human race, and just as a great cat is able to identify the weaker animal within a group and to sneak up on it, the sociopath will recognize the needy, the vulnerable and the naive. The intelligent sociopath is more successful in part because they’re that much better at disguising their true intentions.
The antisocial individual exploits the emotional weakness in their prey in the same way a lion or a leopard takes advantage of a lame or diseased gazelle. The cleverer they are, the easier it is for them to recognize and exploit the weak areas in someone’s personality.
Children are sitting ducks for sociopaths because they are defenseless against them. That’s why it’s so important for them to have good supervision. For adults, holding on to any child-like traits, such as being overly trusting or credulous is never wise.
An attitude of healthy skepticism is far safer. Those who insist on believing that everyone is “nice” and has good intentions will be as vulnerable to being preyed upon as any actual child.
When it comes to our dealings with politicians, financial advisors or CEOs, to be well-informed is to be empowered. Along with being skeptical, knowledge and understanding of a given situation make it that much harder to be exploited, manipulated or lied to.
In day-to-day life, we can begin to recognize the sociopaths among us by being alert to excessive coldness, ambition, aggressiveness or charm; by questioning the motivations of those in positions of power and by looking for inconsistencies in people’s words and actions. Someone who is too good to be true is often later revealed to be a sociopath, as is the overly ruthless and relentless individual.
In romance, sociopaths often start out as generous and charismatic. They’ll sweep you off your feet by showering you with attention and making you feel special and privileged. For an emotionally needy person with low self-esteem, this type of courtship is a dream comes true, but it soon turns into a nightmare as the actual intentions of the sociopath are revealed.
In romance, there’s the typical abusive partner about whom much has been written. Another type of sociopathic lover is unavailable, exciting rebel. They are iconoclastic, charismatic and fascinating. They make a relationship with them into a tantalizing challenge. They might even tell you outright that they’re no good and will only hurt you, but they do this knowing full well that it will only make you try harder to be with them.
This type of person enjoys playing with you the way a cat relishes torturing a mouse. They are sadistic, and they know exactly how it will end: with them triumphant and you devastated. They are excited by your admiration and desire, as it feeds their sense of grandiosity. How you end up is of no concern to them, and they will dump you unceremoniously when you are no longer useful or amusing.
A sociopath is incapable of taking responsibility for their bad behavior. They will never change. Any woman who is attracted to an antisocial man and believes that her love will transform him is setting herself up for disaster. These aren’t “lost boys” who need a good woman to heal them, as the movies and TV so falsely and dangerously portray; they are full-grown, ruthless predators
Whether our next-door neighbor or local politician; our boss or blind date, there are indeed sociopaths among us. Being able to identify them will spare us a lot of grief. Whether we encounter a milder form of the disorder or an outright monster, having a realistic, questioning attitude toward the people in our lives will stand us in good stead.
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About the Author
Dr. Marcia Sirota is a Toronto-based board-certified psychiatrist specializing in the treatment of trauma and addiction, as well as the founder of the Ruthless Compassion Institute. Check her latest books on creating successful relationships: “Women Decoded,” to help men understand what women want and how to choose the right woman, and “Back on the Market,” to help women successfully return to dating. Connect with her at http://marciasirotamd.com
WOW!! This describes someone I use to be friends with to a tee. It’s a shame she cant see what is wrong with her. She blames everyone else for whatever goes wrong. she starts fights for no reason and she has everyone on facebook so hoodwinked. im totally done with her. im tired of her endless crap. she thinks she is never wrong about anything and I mean anything. so sad. she has lost me as friend forever. I cant put up with her craziness anymore.
If you think this is interesting read “High Risk Children Without A Conscience” to expand on APD
would you miss marsha claim that maybe you too are a bit of a “sociopath” isnt labelling people from your level of psycologic power also considered a bit of one? hmmm
this stuff changes every year and sound more liek a cry for help then it does something based on facts.. sounds very much like a personal issue
It’s extremely bad when it’s a psychoanalyst that’s the sociopath. 🙂
I was thinking something similar, would have liked to have more tools to spot a sociopath than a rant. Sounds bitter.
An Antisocial person is now considered a Soicopath? I don’t think so. You need to get your facts straight. Many are just flat out shy. I worked with two real soicopaths from 2011-2012 and everyone was uptight when they were around. When they were not, things were relaxed and happy and we worked as a team. It was quite an experience that I hope I never go through again.
Sociopaths also marry and have children. As you say, those unlucky children are “sitting ducks” for these monsters. If you have had a childhood raised by a sociopath, life is very difficult and the impact of that raising goes far into adulthood and create issues like a tendency to volatile abusive relationships, alcoholism, addictions and co-dependency in their adult life.
check out SwanWaters website if you would like more info on dealing with sociopaths and manipulators.
OMG word for word everything you have said here is exactly what is going on with me as well, Genevieve!
Ohhhh you people are so dramatic.. We don’t do any of this nonsense (;
Yes. Very true.
My father was a sociopath. My mom had 8 kids with him. And she wanted to wait for us to all grow up before divorcing him. But my brothers talked her into divorcing him when I turned 18.
And for a while, I had co-dependency as a problem. But I figured it out. 🙂
But yes. This is very much like him. And my dad was very smart. So he did some damage.
I think you’re using the term “antisocial” incorrectly in this case. Many people use it to describe introverted people. It has been accepted as such, but not for the purposes of this article. The correct term for that would be more along the lines of “asocial.” “Antisocial,” as in “Antisocial Personality Disorder,” is describing someone who is CONTRARY to social norms. Someone who does not follow social rules. If you look in the DSM-V you will find the characteristics of someone with Antisocial Personality Disorder, or a sociopath. Before telling an author to get their facts straight you should probably get YOURS straight, right?
Once you have a kid with a sociopath, it is next to impossible to extract yourself from interactions with them, but a good rule of thumb is to make yourself as boring, and apathetic to their exploits as possible. Once they see they can’t get you in a tangle by their manipulative and often intentionally hurtful behavior, they tend to leave you alone more than they will if you fan their flames and fuel their fire. They use the kids as pawns and aren’t above throwing them under a bus if it suits their agenda. Once my daughter’s father told her something really horrible about me, and she told it to me because she felt protective. When I confronted him over it (mistake number one) he insisted that SHE had said these things. Then he summoned her and made a big deal of admonishing her in front of me, trying to make it sound as if HE had been defending me all along from a five year old’s personal attacks. The unfairness of it brought her to tears….(this is only one small example of the dynamics that play out with them when you have children with them). It was not until he had left that I was able to comfort her and assure her that I believed her. They learn very early on that ‘daddy lies” which is not necessarily a bad thing as it modifies inevitable disappointment. Depending on a sociopathic parent for anything is TERRIBLE. Sometimes it is better to cut your losses, and leave so that your child won’t be exposed to their brand of game playing. But if you try to go against them or fight them, they will win. They play so dirty that they will do whatever it takes to have the last word.
As an actual sociopath- and no ma’am, I’m not ashamed of it- not only my “cold, ruthless and unfeeling heart” but also the fact that I, a 19 year old girl whom just discovered I have a high functioning version of APD, find your words offensive. I love people. I’ve had my heart broken. I’m very kind to animals. I have my flaws, and as much as I would love to sit here and berate you for your ignorance but also hurting my very-existent-but-different-than-your-own feelings, the plus side of my “problem” also provides me with the intelligence to know you probably believed, and will indefinitely continue to believe, every word you’ve typed. Oh, and we run the world because we’re not afraid to do so and there is basically nothing you can really do about it except maybe grow a pair of balls and get on our level.
Warm regards,
Ab
I think this is the description of a psycopath, as seen in Dr. Hare’s book… which is not the same as a sociopath… is it?
Oh we have balls, bitch. The balls to tell you to suck up what we think of you.
Or they could also just be a narcissist.
Sociopath: A person with a personality disorder manifesting itself in extreme antisocial attitudes and behaviors and a lack of conscience.
Antisocial: Contrary to the laws and customs of society: Devoid of or antagonistic to sociable instincts or practices: ‘A dangerous, unprincipled antisocial type of man.’
And you just proved the entire article is true about yourself and that like most humans you emotionally rationalize things in order to feel superior instead of facing flaws and bettering yourself in order to evolve (the human brain rationalizes 78% of the time on average and less evolved brains rationalize more often so of course your not ashamed of it as your brain is not capable of learning in that capacity).
You have unsociable mixed up with anti social. Shy people are unsociable not anti social. They very much are pro social, but lack the confidence and inter personal skills to be sociable. Unlike anti social personality disorder this condition is very treatable.
You failed to mention if there’s anything that can be done to help the sociopath, (short of impeachment) or do we just have to learn how to put up with them?
I would just like to say that the fact that motorcycle gangs were put under the “organised crime” category put me off this entire article. I have many friend who are part of motorcycle clubs or as you like to call them “gangs” and these people are the nicest people I know. they are constantly doing charity runs for children and abused women. they are always the first to defend and protect those who come from abused homes, are neglected children or are just plain down and out. I think if you were a lot more specific in your description of the “motorcycle gangs” then it wouldn’t have been so off pissing to read. you are better off just saying criminals because not all bikers are like those you see on TV. I thought this article was going to be informative, for once. But clearly not, it seems more like someone categorizing individuals according to their lifestyle.
Let’s not forget female sociopaths – be they a politician or even a better example – a mother – – the ultimate disguise but also the greatest position of power to do max damage.
This article was good until it dissolved into stereotypes like the whole anti-male thing