Peace after Divorce
By Rev. Marcy Ellen
Divorce is such a common occurrence in this day and age, so cultivating the necessary spiritual tools to cope with divorce is imperative if we want to experience peace in our lives. Even if you personally haven’t been through a divorce chances are you have most likely been affected by someone else’s. If you are a child of divorced parents then you know the lasting emotional effects that it can have on a person especially if the emotions aren’t dealt with in a gentle and compassionate way.
There is so much needless suffering that circulates around this issue and most of it comes from the illusion that things are supposed to be different than they actually are. We grow up in a society that is entrenched with all kinds of ideas and beliefs about marriage. Some ideas come from our religion, some come from our government, but a lot of what we see and hear with regards to marriage comes from our entertainment industry. We see television shows and movies that say things are supposed to be a certain way and so when we set out on our journeys and things don’t measure up to these externally imposed fantasies we feel like failures and it leads to general unhappiness.
If divorce happened in 100% of marriages and we knew that it was a normal occurrence then we would accept it and there would be very little suffering around the issue. If every movie that we viewed from the time we were young featured a married couple who in the end of the film got divorced and lived happily ever after with an even bigger and more blended family, then if we were unable to experience that fantasy in real life we would also suffer needlessly.
It’s not the event, situation, or person that causes us suffering. It’s the resistance we have to the event, situation, or person. It’s the notion that things should be different and that they are not working out the way that we believe they should be. Our ideas about what should be and what actually is are always at odds with each other and that resistance or non-acceptance is what causes suffering.
Everyone’s journey is so individualized and full of unique lessons that are tailor made to help that particular soul evolve and transcend. So comparing your life with anyone else’s is not only futile but it can be very destructive. Each lesson in our lives is carefully wrapped up in what at first glance seems to be a frightening problem. But after the spirit gets through it, it triumphs, and comes out the other side, a more loving and compassionate being
Divorce can be resisted and cause great suffering or it can be seen as a gift to crack open the hearts of all that are involved to let more divine light in. It can be scary of course, but wherever there is fear there is something that the soul is trying to tell us and teach us. As soon as you surrender and look directly into your fear, and as soon as you accept it and feel it fully something magical begins to happen. It begins to shrink. It loses its power over you. Its grip on your life begins to loosen and you finally begin to feel free. It is only when you resist your fear, run from it, deny it, and hide from it that it becomes bigger and more obtrusive in your life.
