Working Through Loss and Lack of Connection

Hi Colette,

I am writing for your insight as to how to move forward in my life. I went through cancer four years ago and am in slow recovery, still feeling a lot of fatigue.

Both my parents have passed away in the last six months. I lost my mother late last year from cancer, and then five months later I lost my father from a heart attack. I feel very alone and lost in my life.

I am disconnected from my four siblings. They seem to resent me and I am not sure why. This creates a lot of added heartache for me. Regardless, I not only feel very alone in the world, I also feel a lot of despair.

I miss my mother as she was my best friend and my rock. I long to connect with her. I also very much long for real and loving connections in my life and in my work. I feel like I need to jump start my life all over again, but not sure really how. – Lost and Alone

Dear Lost and Alone,

I am happy that you are in recovery and also sorry you have experienced such heartache at the loss of your parents.  I’ve lost both of my parents as well and I remember the terribly isolated feeling I thought I would never ever move past. Both my parents died in a short period of time back-to-back and I also did not have the best relationships with my extended family.  What I know is that I had to live my life in one day, 24-hour increments, and that I could manage my grief and my sorrow in those 24 hours.  I paid a lot of attention to my dog. I allowed myself to love where I could and I allowed myself to be helped by others.

I believe in group counseling and in group therapy. Grief support groups are really important to have. If you lack community within your own family you can seek out external communities for engagement.

Time will heal these relationships. Family relationships are always the most difficult.  But if you can also develop a spiritual connection (church, synagogue, place of spiritual worship, etc.) where you can establish a community fellowship, it will help with our feelings of aloneness. When I lived in Toronto I loved going to the Unity Church.

The hardest thing is to accept help from others but not only can they restore you to life they can restore your faith in humanity. You can develop new family/tribe relationships away from your family of origin and you can happy again.

No one will be able to bring your parents back. You can always have a relationship with your mother because we don’t die. In my experience as a medium, life is everlasting.

I recently wrote a blog entitled, “Jump Starting Your New Life – Now!” which walks you through a shopping exercise for your new life.  I recommend you journal through that exercise so your awareness about what is possible becomes clearer and your happiness returns.

Love and blessings,

Colette Baron-Reid

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