A Beautiful Mind
One evening after a particularly bad day, when everywhere I called, no one answered-or when they did, the answer again was, “No or not right now,” I sat in the middle of my floor and made a decision. The decision was: “NO MORE.”
I needed to get back to basics.
I would not live in fear, and I would not allow the illusion of lack and limitation to run my life for ONE MORE MINUTE. I would not place my faith or my security in “man with breath in his nostrils” or in worldly conditions. I was not even going to place my faith in my own thinking right then, because it was pretty clear that my thinking needed a major tune up.
The song (by Rickie Byars-Beckwith and Rev. Michael Beckwith) “I Release” took on a whole new meaning for me in that moment-a meaning that had escaped me for the eighteen years I had been listening to it. Finally, I surrendered to my root practice of releasing and letting go of everything I thought I knew, wanted or needed.
I remembered that all I needed to do was to reconnect on a higher level than I’d ever experienced before with God. I needed to go deeper. I refused to make one more phone call or send out one more email, until I was fully grounded in an awareness of One Power, One Presence and One Life-and that ALL of my good was contained therein.
Was it hard? Well, yeah! At least from my ego perspective: “If I surrender totally to God, am I gonna get my stuff? Am I gonna get what I need if I surrender?” Well, I certainly had nothing to lose, because doing it my way wasn’t getting me anywhere!
