The Four Steps to Forgiveness

The Four Steps to Forgiveness:

The Four Steps to Forgiveness includes not only our higher impulses in wanting to forgive but also includes our current gut feelings about the event. By having a step where we focus on the benefits we gain from forgiving we create a bridge between our ideals and our gut feelings and allow any gap between them to be resolved as part of the act of forgiveness.

It is best to do the Four Steps in writing till you get some experience.

Step 1: State whom you need to forgive and what for.

Step 2: Acknowledge how you currently feel about the situation. This is best if it is your honest gut feelings, not the nice, polite or politically correct version.

Step 3: State the benefits you will get from forgiving. These will mainly be the opposite of what you are currently feeling. Sadness will become happiness, anger will become peace and heaviness will become a feeling of lightness and so on. If you are not sure about the benefits just choose a few general good feelings which you would like to have for now, happier, more at ease, more confident etc.

Step 4: Commit yourself to forgiving. This is simply stating whom you intend to forgive and the acknowledging the benefits that come from forgiving.

Typical you will end up with Four Steps, which looks something like this:

Example 1:

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Imagine your friend John has started avoiding you and you cannot find out why. Write out the steps then say them (out loud or silently in your mind) till you feel some relief.  Experiment and play around with the steps to see what works best for you.

1. I am willing to forgive John for avoiding me.

2. I now choose to release my feelings of sadness, anger and fear. You can choose to do additional emotional release later if you need to.

3. I acknowledge that forgiving John benefits me, as I will feel happier, healthier and more peaceful.