Love Is Like a Box of Chocolates
Remember when the lead character in the movie, “Forrest Gump” (played by Tom Hanks) says, “Mama always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get”?
by Gail Matheson, PhD
I was discussing relationships with a friend of mine. He has started dating again, and at first was playing the field, dating a few women at once. He was honest and upfront about this with each of them. One said it did not work for her–if he wanted to see her it would have to be monogamous. He agreed to what she needed and wanted.
Over lunch, he jokingly told me the story. It ended with a pseudo-punch line, “So just because she doesn’t want chocolates, I can’t have any either!”
It was tongue-in-cheek, from a hopelessly romantic man. But I played with the analogy for a bit.
He mainly wanted to try variety and be open to possibility—a value I hold precious, too. Is infinite possibility possible in a loving relationship with one person? Can you be unlimited and choose a monogamous union?
In Tantra, we see that each person is different moment to moment. It is our own lack of awareness that causes us to see others as ninety percent the same as they were five minutes ago. We can watch our self during the day: if we truly live from a place of consciousness, we see a difference at the end of the day than when we started…if we are conscious.
Where limitations come in is in unconscious relationship. This is a relationship based on roles or expectations about making the other happy, or being made happy, or any way in which we act without spiritual awareness of the whole divine being with whom we are connected.
In unconscious relationship, it is about you and how the other relates to you. It is about deepening your experience of self. In conscious relationship, it is about aligning your capacity for unconditional love and conscious awareness in your interactions and expression with another. Both of you commit to growth and healing. You act as a witness for the other, a mirror and a shaman, being the anchor to higher consciousness when the other is not capable to do so. As a “relationship shaman,” we do not fear the shadow work of the other. We sit in the fire together.
Is love like a box of chocolates? It is in a way; since we never know what body/mind pattern or old groove of unconscious work will arise between us. In some moments, we will feel free and flowing. In others, we take a bite of something that feels hard to handle. (For me, it is the strawberry cream; for you, it might be coconut.)
We get through those times, maybe learning to value what we do not enjoy for what it offers in experience. Ultimately, the infinite variety, possibilities, and freedom comes from two conscious people committed to a conscious union.
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About the Author
Gail Matheson, PhD, is a student of metaphysics, tantra, and deeper consciousness. With graduate studies in psychology, she has 20 years’ experience in leading businesses.
