The Merry Month of May and Mother’s Day

By Allen Klein

Having the Time of Your Life — For more information, click the book cover!

My parents were married on the 22nd of May, so the month of May has been very special for me. But it is also special because Mother’s Day is in May too. A time to celebrate not only our own mother, but all mothers around the world, and even those people who have been like a mother to us. My Mom passed away several years ago but I still remember her wonderful sense of humor. I now use one of her humorous stories to open my keynote presentations. Here it is: Every time my elderly Mom went to the doctor, she would hire a van service to take her there and then have them take her back home when she was finished with the appointment.

One late afternoon the van didn’t show up. Since the doctor had to close the office, the receptionist suggested that Mom wait for the van in the pizza parlor downstairs. The receptionist took her there, bought her a soft drink and called the van to make sure they were coming. My Mom waited and waited but the van never showed up. So she went up to the counter and asked, “Do you deliver?” The guy behind the counter replied, “Of course we deliver, lady, we’re a pizza place.” “Great,” my Mom said, “I want a pepperoni pizza and I want to go with it!”

In keeping with my Mom’s humor, I’d like to share a few mirthful quotations about mothers from my recent book, Always Look on the Bright Side: Celebrating Each Day to the Fullest.

What do you get on Mother’s Day if you have kids? You know what. A card with flowers that are made out of pink toilet paper—a lot of pink toilet paper. You get breakfast in bed. Then you get up and fix everybody else their breakfast. And then you go to the bathroom, and you are out of toilet paper. -Liz Scott

I come from a Greek household. My mother wouldn’t let the FedEx man come in without eating. -Arianna Huffington

Mothers, food, love, and career, the four major guilt groups. -Cathy Guisewite

Motherhood is not for the fainthearted. Used frogs, skinned knees, and the insults of teenage girls are not meant for the wimpy. -Danielle Steele

A suburban mother’s role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after. -Peter De Vries