Mpho Tutu: Book Of Forgiving -Exclusive Interview
Mpho Tutu: The work of forgiveness begins where ever you can start. There’s no wrong place to start. If you can manage it with the stuff that’s up close and intimate then please manage it. If you can only begin far out [such as your outrage at genocide] and then come closer, begin far out and then come closer. It’s fine. Begin where ever you can begin it will make a difference.
OMTimes: You have this calming, loving effect. You make forgiveness seem easy. Is forgiveness easy?
Mpho Tutu: It isn’t always either. Sometimes it’s quite easy. You don’t even notice yourself doing it. And sometimes it’s really hard. I personally think that the hardest things to forgive are the things that feel like betrayals. The other things you can find a way around. Betrayal feels like you promised me something and I let you in. You entered my most vulnerable spaces and you weren’t trustworthy. Very often in forgiveness there is a piece of having to forgive ourselves for having been victimized, in whatever way we’ve been victimized. When we’re injured, when we’re hurt part of the hurt is that the person that hurts us has decided who we are. They decided you’re the kind of person I can do this to. You’re the kind of person I can dismiss in this way… And so any injury to a person… a piece of that, is that we’re being defined by our tormentor, defined and diminished.
OMTimes: So with a betrayal, are you actually redefining yourself?
Mpho Tutu: Whenever you forgive, you’re claiming back your right to self-definition. In a way you’re saying you know what? I’m not who you said I am. I am not who your actions said I am. I am someone who is better than that. I am more awesome, wonderful, beautiful incredible than your action recognizes.
