Relationships: A Test of Endurance, Not Speed
by Laura Brown
As a tarot and intuitive coach who specializes in love and romance, I have been asked on more than a thousand occasions about when a relationship should evolve to “the next phase.” Sometimes, a person has been involved for a long time without seeing things progress, and sometimes they are just meeting someone and need to know whether it’s worth their time. In either situation, they tend to place emphasis on the pace and direction the relationship will take.
What happens, however, when our natural curiosity begins to veer into obsession? How do we know if we are too focused on the destination and have lost sight of the journey? I have created a list of things to keep in mind when contemplating the pace and state of a relationship. These are things we may want to avoid and be mindful of, in general, when it comes to assessing your relationship’s pace and destination.
~Relationships are and should be organic.
This means to keep in mind that, just as every plant grows differently, every outfit looks different depending on the person wearing it, and every child has their own unique personality, relationships, too, are not one-size-fits-all! Just because your best friend’s sister’s girlfriend got engaged after only six months of dating doesn’t mean that you are doomed to become the crazy cat lady because your boyfriend of three years has not yet proposed. Every relationship, and those within it, move at their own pace. There will be times when your pace may be different than theirs. This brings us to….
~Communicate, communicate, And COMMUNICATE!
Any coach who is worth their salt will remind you to communicate. We can certainly help you to understand the path ahead and tips for how to shift the relationship, but ultimately you need to be able to communicate your wants and needs with your partner. Do not worry about their reaction. If they get mad, is it because you ask every week or because they are avoiding the subject? Each holds a very different meaning, and you need to be honest about which of the two your situation falls under.
~Not every relationship should evolve.
Let’s be honest–not all relationships are going to result in marriage, and not all relationships should. Whether you are involved with someone who clearly doesn’t have their heart in the relationship or who treats you poorly, it is necessary to understand that sometimes letting go is better than continuing to push things forward. It is also the most difficult conclusion to reach. Where our hearts are concerned, we all tend to get rather obstinate. Doing a status check to see if your relationship is indeed toxic will help you to understand both the connection and yourself better. Relationships should be uplifting, not something which deflates you.
~Patience is a virtue.
My husband and I have been in each other’s lives for eight years. We have been living together for five of those years and married for nearly four of them. What does this tell you? That sometimes the best things come to those who wait, and nurture them. We didn’t always have smooth sailing, and there were periods of separation when we each grew as individuals, but we made it back together. You cannot be afraid to give the room necessary so you both can explore life and learn about the self. This gives you time to grow as individuals so that there is a sense of inner love and security rather than dependence on the relationship.
Additionally, things do take time. Anyone can rush into something and then potentially regret it down the road. Taking your time and learning about one another allows you to build a stable foundation so that when times are tough it’s not flight instead of fight. If you have just started dating someone and already feel the need to know where things are going, it is time to get yourself in check. Allow things to unfold and reveal themselves; enjoy the journey!
~Respect yourself.
This should always be your first priority. If you have been involved with someone for a long time, and they still cannot even bother to call you their girlfriend or introduce you to their family, it’s time to have a talk. If they come in and out of your life and cannot be bothered to provide a little consistency, then it may be time to hit the pause button. Live and experience your life.
If things come back together with them, you will know that they were meant to do so. If they don’t, then you will know they were not right for you in the first place. The important thing is you do not put your life on hold by putting a relationship before yourself. Inner love means external love; inner respect means external respect. Teach others how to treat you by treating yourself with worth and love.
One of the biggest mistakes we can make in relationships, aside from becoming too destination-focused, is to sacrifice ourselves. We cannot make a relationship or another person bigger and more important than ourselves. Our needs and desires are just as important as theirs. While we may not always be in the same time frame with regard to moving things forward, the ability to communicate these things is pivotal.
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About the Author
Wearer of phenomenal shoes, drinker of fabulous wine and diviner of cards, Laura Brown guides and empowers clients on matters related to love and romance. With a decidedly blunt but empowering approach Laura hones in on the subtleties and helps clients to understand the bigger picture within their love lives. Learn more about Laura through her site Modern Sibyl and stay up to date over at her Facebook page.
