Taking Care of Your Own Needs First
by Ann C. Johnson
Working and taking care of family can eat up a lot of our time and energy, but overworking is no fun. Everyone needs time to rest, relax and play. One thing that you can do is to schedule some personal time into each day–and then commit to it. Time away from work and family will give you a chance to catch your breath, to do ‘other’ things that you love to do, and to relax. When you are relaxed and well rested you will be able to cope easily with the demands and challenges that everyday life brings.
Giving to others is one of the great pleasures that give meaning to our lives. This may take the form of helping our children or grandchildren with their homework; driving them to social event; teaching a teenager how to do basic things such as driving or building a resume; volunteering at a school; helping out a friend who is struggling to cope; driving a sick, frail or older person to medical appointments or to do their weekly shopping; cooking, washing or other domestic tasks for our family; and taking part in a working bee to help a family, single parent, person, or organization in need.
In order to keep helping others, you need time to replenish and rejuvenate yourself and take care of your own needs. You can doing this by learning to say “no” to others requests for assistance, by learning to not say “yes” immediately. Instead, try saying to others: “I’ll get back to you on that.” Make this time-specific (e.g. “I’ll let you know by 5 P.M. next Wednesday.”), as this will alleviate any stress on the other person’s part. Inserting time between the request for assistance and your reply will allow you the space to look at your options, to predict the possible consequences of you saying “no” versus you saying “yes’ and to then select a response that takes your best interest into account.
Most of us have, at some time or another, found ourselves placed last in line when it comes to taking care of our own needs. For those who have trouble saying “no,” those who like spending their free time taking on community leadership roles (e.g. committee member of a service club), those who have been trained and conditioned to put others first and themselves last, or those who consider their needs as far less important than others, it is probably true more often than not.
We may hit a snag when we do not learn to take care of ourselves properly. Sooner or later, we will not be of much use to anyone. We need to learn to take care of our own basic needs first; such as, the need for food, water, breathing, sleep, sex, homeostasis, excretion, the need for security of body, employment, the family, morality, health and property, to make yourself and your own happiness your number one priority.
Then, you will be in a better position to love and support other people as well; to express reverence and gratitude for the life that you are living; to satisfy your need for love, acceptance and a sense of belonging; a need for sense of achievement and respect by others; by offering service to individuals, groups and organizations in the community–and enjoy the many rewards that doing so brings.
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About the Author
Ann C. Johnson Assoc MAPS: General Psychologist has worked in the helping professions for the past 35 years. In the past seven years, she has published three books on personal and spiritual development. Inspired by posts she reads on Facebook and events happening in her own life, she continues to write articles on a regular basis. Ann can also be found on: https://www.facebook.com/annjohnson1948
