Creating Clarity in Communication
It’s so easy to have problems with communication. Often, we hear things wrong; maybe because there’s too much ambient noise obscuring the words of the speaker, or maybe because what the other person is saying is overshadowed by what we expect to hear.
We interpret what we’re hearing through the filters of our past experiences, belief systems and habitual patterns of interaction. All these psychological processes can significantly interfere with our ability to communicate, even more than being physically hard of hearing.
At the root of the word “communicate” is the concept of communing, or coming together. The essence of communication is the intention to come together: to know and to be known; to understand and be understood.
When we truly want clarity in communication, we must choose to leave our expectations, beliefs, attitudes and habits at the door and truly listen to what the other person is saying; we must also make every effort to express our own thoughts, feelings and needs as clearly as possible.
Clarity in communication requires a degree of mindfulness: When we’re listening to another person we must pay attention, not just to what’s being said but to our own tendencies to distort what we’re hearing. We must be aware of our own biases, and make every attempt to clarify what we’re hearing, as opposed to jumping to conclusions.
In speaking, we must strive to be attentive: We can’t assume that the other person is going to understand what we’ve said just because we’ve said it. We must check in with them as we’re talking, making sure that they’re following along with us; that we’re still connected and on the same page.
Creating clarity in communication is all about being in the here-and-now with ourselves and with the other person. When we strive to be aware of our own potential pitfalls with regard to listening and speaking, and when we make every effort to connect to the other person, we’re able to come together in understanding and appreciation of each-other, building close relationships and avoiding painful misunderstandings.
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About the Author
Marcia Sirota MD FRCP(C) is a board-certified psychiatrist, that does not ascribe to any one theoretical school. Rather, she has integrated her education and life experiences into a unique approach to the practice of psychotherapy. She considers herself a realist with a healthy measure of optimism. Sign up here for her free monthly wellness newsletter. Listen here to her latest podcast. marciasirotamd.com
