Personal and Professional Relationships
The Real Difference between Personal and Professional Relationships
I think it’s important that we understand the differences between our personal and professional relationships. When we’re clear about what we should expect from each type of interaction, we’re likely to avoid the pitfalls inherent in confusing the two.
While it’s true that in both personal and professional relationships, people should respect one-another and strive to be reasonable, responsible and polite, it’s also true that beyond this, the two types of relationships diverge.
In personal relationships, we value the quality of the connection with the other person. The closeness is an object in itself. We spend time with friends and family because it feels good to be with them. We care about each-other, want the best for each-other and are there for each-other.
In our professional relationships, we might genuinely like the other person; we might even look out for each-other and support one-another. Still, this type of relationship is about helping the other person get ahead in their career.
Our professional relationships are forged in service of our professional goals, whereas our personal relationships arise out of our basic human need for love, connection and belonging.
The stakes are very different in the two types of relationships, as well: in a personal relationship, we risk being hurt or disappointed. In our professional relationships, our ideas could be stolen, our professional reputation could be undermined; we could even lose our job if we end up on the wrong side of a jealous or disgruntled supervisor or colleague.
In personal relationships our pride is at risk; in professional ones our livelihood is, and this is why it’s so important to be that much more careful in the latter type of relationship.
In our personal relationships we want to be open and straightforward. We want to be seen and appreciated for who we are. In professional relationships we need to be more strategic; we want to be well-liked, but not necessarily well-known. In the former type of relationship, we want to build intimacy; in the latter, over-sharing could lead to information being used against us.
In our personal relationships, we build real trust through getting to know each-other and seeing how the other person behaves over time. In our professional relationships, it’s best to remain skeptical. We can trust, but to a point. We met through work, so It’s hard to really know how much the other person cares about our welfare and how much this association is of benefit to them.
While I do know of many excellent professional relationships; for example, several in which a senior person has mentored a junior one, helping them significantly with their career, I’m also aware of at least as many examples of professional relationships in which people have been exploited, manipulated, ripped off and then discarded.
Jealousy and competitiveness, dishonesty and sabotage in the personal realm pale in comparison to how these can play out in the professional domain, and that’s why in professional relationships, we should never forget where we are.
We should enjoy our professional associations and show appreciation to those who are generous with their mentoring, advice and support, but we should never lose sight of the fact that these people aren’t our family members or close, personal friends.
If we’re clear about the differences between these two types of relationships, we can remain strategic and negotiate our professional relationships in ways that are conducive to our ongoing success.
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About the Author
Marcia Sirota MD FRCP(C) is a board-certified psychiatrist, that does not ascribe to any one theoretical school. Rather, she has integrated her education and life experiences into a unique approach to the practice of psychotherapy. She considers herself a realist with a healthy measure of optimism. Sign up here for her free monthly wellness newsletter. Listen here to her latest podcast. marciasirotamd.com
