What to Do When a Co-Worker is Gunning For You

This is a true story of something that happened to me in the workplace. Perhaps it might be of use to you, if you ever come across a co-worker who has it in for you.

Not that long ago, I was in a workplace situation with someone who was extremely hostile toward me. As far as I could see, I hadn’t done anything to offend this person, let’s call her “Olivia,” but she really had a hate on for me.

Olivia was a narcissist who walked around like she owned the place. She was surrounded by supervisors, co-workers and staff who admired her excessively and bent over backward to help her. In the meantime, she was a liar and a cheat, she shirked her work and she pulled the puppet strings from backstage.

A Co-Worker in Authority

The administration was taken in by her because she knew exactly how to ingratiate herself with them. She used her intelligence in a cunning way, making sure that her position of power in the workplace was unassailable.

I was lucky enough to have befriended an associate of hers, let’s call him “Mick,” and early on in my career at this place, Mick revealed to me that Olivia was jealous of my abilities and potential for success, and she wanted me out. He told me to watch my back, and this warning enabled me to be ready for the assault that was inevitably to come.

Sure enough, Olivia’s big move against me came at the worst possible moment for me and the most opportune moment for her. My mother had just passed away and I was in a state of grief. Still, as far as I could tell, my sadness wasn’t interfering with my ability to function in the workplace.

Olivia was in a position of authority over me, and she used it cleverly. She went to the management one day, saying that one of my co-workers had complained that I was behaving “erratically.”

Olivia had expressed that she was “very concerned” about me, and was wondering if perhaps I was having a “breakdown.” Being employed in the mental health field, you can imagine how that would look for me.

Overcoming Co-Worker Manipulation

I was called to the office of our head supervisor and informed of what Olivia had said. Knowing what her intentions were toward me and that this was the move I’d been anticipating, I was able to take a breath and consider my response.

I knew that her intention was to make me look unstable and unprofessional, so the tone of my response was of the utmost importance. The supervisor, I knew, was looking carefully for any signs in my behavior that might corroborate the complaint.

I spoke slowly, quietly and pleasantly. I made gentle eye-contact. I was warm and mildly concerned, rather than defensive or angry. I asked who it was that had come to Olivia with the complaint, assuming that a person has a right to know the identity of their accuser.

I was told that the complainant preferred to remain anonymous, making me wonder if a) another person actually had complained about me, or b) if Olivia had put them up to it and was afraid that their story would break down in a face-to-face confrontation.

Knowing that I wouldn’t be able to confront my so-called accuser, I chose a different tack. I expressed how surprised I was to hear of this complaint, as I felt I was functioning well at work, considering the magnitude of my loss. I added that I’d found the majority of my colleagues to be very understanding and supportive toward me, during this difficult time.

I went on to say that if this co-worker ever did want to discuss it with me in person, I’d be very happy to hear of their specific concerns and to improve any behaviors that might be of concern to them.

I showed myself to be open, flexible and willing to accept “constructive” criticism; most importantly, I came across as reasonable, receptive and completely stable.

If I had been angry, indignant at the obvious sabotage or defensive in any way, it would have backfired on me. Knowing that my professional reputation at stake, it was essential that my supervisor see nothing but my best self.

See Also

3 Ways to Deal with a Dysfunctional Family

Co-Worker Strategies

As a result of my strategic response, my supervisor saw no merit in this complaint, and chalked it up to an excess of concern on the part of my colleague. They saw Olivia’s role as merely bringing this concern to their attention.

They never knew how hard Olivia had tried to sandbag me, and they probably never will, because they were so strongly invested in seeing her in a positive light.

My success was not in getting the boss to recognize what Olivia was up to. That type of manoeuver is beyond my capabilities. I could never be as tricky as a scheming narcissist.

Where I did succeed was in not allowing Olivia to get the better of me. After this failed attempt at ousting me from the organization, she realized that I wasn’t someone she could play her games with, and for the rest of our time there, she left me alone.

I don’t know what happened to Olivia – perhaps she has become quite successful, being the manipulative, charismatic person that she is – and I really don’t care. What makes me feel good is that I didn’t let her win: my reputation remained intact and I went on to achieve the success that Olivia had feared I would.

Instead of trying to beat Olivia in a head-to-head confrontation, I recognized my own limitations in the area of gamesmanship and understood what a win would look like for me in this type of situation. When you’re dealing with such a destructive, toxic narcissist co-worker, I think that this is the greatest success that you can achieve.

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About the Author

Dr. Marcia Sirota is a Toronto-based board certified psychiatrist specializing in the treatment of trauma and addiction, as well as founder of the Ruthless Compassion Institute, whose mandate is to promote the philosophy of Ruthless Compassion and in so doing, improve the lives of people, everywhere.
http://marciasirotamd.com