The Silence Around Sexual Abuse
Our Conspiracy of Silence Around Sexual Abuse
Sexual abuse. It doesn’t surprise me that both here in Canada and in the USA, women are coming forward in droves to add their voices to the throng of victims who were purportedly sexually assaulted either by a Canadian broadcaster or by an American comedian.
Some of these women did try to speak up at the time of their assault, but were ignored or shut down by the powers that be. Now that each case is getting so much attention in the news, many of these women finally feel like there’s an opportunity to be heard.
If you listen to their statements, this is what these women are saying, over and over. They want to be heard. They want to be taken seriously. They want to be believed.
In the sexual abuse of women, there’s a second, hidden crime being committed in almost every case: that of the refusal of the legal system, the workplace, even the general public to believe these women and to accord them their right of due process.
In the sexual abuse of women, they’re victimized twice: once by their assailant and a second time by the system around them that refuses to hear them and to acknowledge and address the offenses against them.
Given that the statistics clearly demonstrate the high number of women who’ve been, at some point in their lives, the victim of sexual harassment, abuse or assault, it’s shocking to me that we’re all so complacent about this horrifying reality.
Sexual attacks on women are rampant in this day and age and yet, women are systematically ignored or disbelieved when they come forward to their HR department, their community or the media with their experiences of assault.
When persistent allegations of sexual assault finally bring a celebrity to the attention of the media, it’s incredibly sad that it’s only then that numbers of women come forward with their own experiences of having been assaulted by this person.
Until public opinion begins to turn against the perpetrator, these female victims have no voice. They have no chance of being heard or taken seriously until the celebrity is on the hot seat, and even then, they’re often accused of “jumping on the bandwagon,” “looking for attention,” “trying to get money,” or some other dishonest motivation.
People are reluctant to see that the reason these women are piping up now is that there’s power in numbers and that their only chance of being heard is to wait for the time – if it ever comes- when the celebrity’s shiny halo becomes tarnished with allegations of their repeated crimes.
Things need to change. Until now, there’s been little to no support for women who are being sexually abused by men in positions of power, or even by their bosses or colleagues at their place of work.
We need to start believing women when they come forward with stories of sexual abuse.
For every woman who makes up a story of sexual abuse, there are umpteen real cases of assault going unnoticed, ignored or denied.
We need to stop blaming women for what happened, telling them that they “provoked” the attacks.
Sexual assault isn’t a crime by men who were “so turned on they couldn’t control themselves”; it’s a crime of power and dominance, nothing less.
We need to stop shaming women for the bad behavior of the men around them.
It’s the male attackers who should feel ashamed of themselves. We need to stop minimizing instances of sexual harassment or assault.
These assaults are real, they’re harmful, and the male perpetrators are responsible for the damage they’ve done.
We need to stop punishing women for coming forward with allegations of sexual abuse.
It’s not the woman’s fault for having been abused, and she’s doing nothing wrong by speaking out about her attack.
The truth is that when women know that they’ll be heard, more women will be comfortable coming forward with their experiences of sexual harassment, abuse or assault.
When women are freer to come forward, male perpetrators will no longer be allowed to continue assaulting dozens of women over periods of years or decades.
Our complacency around this issue is unacceptable. It’s time for all of us, men and women alike, to join together and recognize that there’s an epidemic of sexual abuse toward women, as well as a conspiracy of silence around this abuse.
It’s time to give women back their voice by taking them seriously when they speak up about their experiences of sexual abuse.
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About the Author
Marcia Sirota MD FRCP(C) is a board-certified psychiatrist, that does not ascribe to any one theoretical school. Rather, she has integrated her education and life experiences into a unique approach to the practice of psychotherapy. She considers herself a realist with a healthy measure of optimism. Sign up here for her free monthly wellness newsletter. Listen here to her latest podcast. marciasirotamd.com
