Judy van Niekerk: Forgiveness=Success
Shawne Duperon: How did you escape?
Judy van Niekerk: It was actually like in the middle of the night. I had tried to get away from my father a few times before that but never successfully. I had been stockpiling money that I had been stealing from him for a while. I managed to get away and get into a bed and fled the country.
Shawne Duperon: You reported him to the authorities, yes?
Judy van Niekerk: When I left Ireland I went to London then on to South Africa. I managed to create a magnificent life out of nothing. Great success, not in jobs. I had to survive for myself, so I created businesses out of nothing. I got into sports. I was very successful. But I also harmed myself. I later saw it was as if in order to fit into society, I had sacrificed myself. I had started looking outside of myself for everything in life, for acceptance, for love, for belonging, but when I look back on the years of incarceration, I realized the pain, the suffering, in that hell, I actually had a deep, deep sense of inner peace and believe or not and as obscure as it is going to sound, happiness. Because I had a ritual that I used to do, I used to look at myself in the mirror. I used to look deep into my eyes, beyond my face, beyond my physical form and into down into my solarplexes to what I called at the time my something, and that something was rock solid inside of was unbreakable. It was so powerful, so strong, and it had me. It had my back. And once I connected with that, I found myself in such joy, like hearing a bird, smelling the grass, seeing the leaves on trees, whatever it was, just incredible, simple little things giving me tremendous joy and happiness. But when I escaped, I forgot all that. And I started looking outside. I forgot about what I want, and what I need. I started thinking I have got to be good enough, I have got to fit in and I have got to be accepted. My soul couldn’t live this lie anymore. When I realized that, that I had lost that inner part of me, it wasn’t like a light bulb it was like a city lighting up. , and I realized the tremendous gift that I gained from those horrific experiences.
