10 Ways to Sabotage Your First Date
A first date can be awkward or enjoyable, exciting or boring, amazing or excruciatingly painful. People are simultaneously putting themselves forward and sizing each other up, with everything leading toward the one important decision they need to make: whether or not to have a second date.
Even if they really like each other, nothing can happen between two people if they don’t progress to date number two. So, it’s really sad when a couple is potentially compatible, and one or both of them does something that sabotages the possibility of a second date.
Not infrequently, the first date is filled with anxiety. Our nerves can get the best of us, so that we make crucial mistakes. We need to calm down, so we don’t do anything to spoil our chances of having date number two.
Here are the ten behaviors guaranteed to sabotage your first date. Learn them and don’t do them:
10 Ways to Sabotage Your First Date
First Date No-No #1. Trying too hard to impress:
When you’re showing off, you’re not showing your real self, and you risk coming across as phony or desperate. All of this will ruin your chances for date number two.
First Date No-No #2. Not trying hard enough:
If you’re not really trying to make a good first impression, the other person could see you as lazy or self-centered. Wearing sweats and going to the cheapest place you know is the perfect recipe for an endless stream of first dates.
First Date No-No #3. Verbal diarrhea:
If you go on and on and don’t let the other person get a word in edgewise, your date will feel that you’re not that interested in them, that you’re egocentric, or maybe that you’re on speed. None of this will encourage them to go out with you again.
First Date No-No #4. The silent type:
If you sit there like a lump and let your date do all the talking, they’re going to think that you’re pathologically shy, incredibly dull, unwilling to make an effort or equipped with zero conversational skills; none of which will encourage a second outing.
First Date No-No #5. Too hot to handle:
People need time to get comfortable with each other. Being too intense on a first date is too much, too soon. It’ll scare away the stable people or attract the emotionally unstable.
First Date No-No #6. Running an interrogation:
Collecting facts has little to do with establishing a rapport. A barrage of personal questions will make your date uncomfortable. Even if they’re polite enough to answer your questions, don’t expect them to volunteer for another 20-questions session.
First Date No-No #7. Over-sharing:
You might think that you can create instant intimacy by spilling your guts to the other person, but it’s more likely to create awkwardness between you. Your date might feel obligated to over-share as well, and will probably regret it later. Either way, it’s unlikely that they’ll sign up to hear another round of your gory details.
First Date No-No #8. Talking dirty:
Sex talk on the first date is overkill. It might lead to sex, but not necessarily to a second date. If you want a relationship, you should let the sex evolve out of the connection that you’ve established, rather than trying to base your connection on sex.
First Date No-No #9. Technology addict:
If you’re responding to texts, posting tweets, checking your email or taking selfies during your first date, all of which are rude, rude, rude, by the way, anyone with the smallest amount of self-esteem will write you off. Be forewarned.
First Date No-No #10. Boorishness:
Bragging, name-dropping, being dismissive to the waitstaff, bad manners, poor hygiene, coming late and not apologizing; all of these are unacceptable behaviors and again, anyone with a reasonable dose of self-worth will be having none of it.
Knowledge is power, they say. Keep this list close by and you’ll be sure to have a second date, and maybe even third, fourth, and fifth dates, as well.
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About the Author
Marcia Sirota MD FRCP(C) is a board-certified psychiatrist, that does not ascribe to any one theoretical school. Rather, she has integrated her education and life experiences into a unique approach to the practice of psychotherapy. She considers herself a realist with a healthy measure of optimism. Sign up here for her free monthly wellness newsletter. Listen here to her latest podcast. marciasirotamd.com
