Dzogchen Ponlop Rinpoche: Emotional Rescue
OMTIMES: Sometimes our emotions seem to take over before we even know what’s happening, like when we have a sudden attack of anger. What do we do then?
Dzogchen Ponlop Rinpoche: This is the central question, isn’t it? When you’re feeling tormented by your emotions, what do you do? You probably look for an escape route. But you can’t see your emotions the way you can see smoke or fire, so which way do you turn? You can’t exactly decide, my anger is hammering at the front door, so I’ll go out the back. If you react out of panic, without thinking it through, you might end up jumping from the frying pan into the fire. You never know what might be waiting for you in your backyard.
Instead of leaving your wellbeing to chance, it’s a good idea to have a rescue plan for those times when you find yourself on a shaky emotional ground, looking for a lifeline.
The Three Step Emotional Rescue Plan introduced in the book can help you learn the skills you need so you can leave behind painful old habits in favor of new and more joyful ways of expressing yourself. The three steps are Mindful Gap, Clear Seeing, and Letting Go. They are progressive methods, each one building on the one before it, gradually empowering you to work with and transform even your most difficult emotions.
OMTIMES: You have said that “mindfulness and continued awareness are exactly what we need to change our relationship with our emotions from a battlefield experience into a creative and joyful one.” These days so many people are promoting the benefits of mindfulness. How do you define “mindfulness” and why is “continued awareness” important?
Dzogchen Ponlop Rinpoche: Being mindful simply means paying attention. It’s the key to working skillfully with your emotions, and to guarding your peace of mind. To be mindful also means “to remember.” Even the best plan will be useless if you don’t remember to do it. While mindfulness is a unique skill that can be practiced on its own, it’s also a vital ingredient of all three steps in the ER Plan—Mindful Gap, Clear Seeing, and Letting Go.
So how do you go about paying attention? And what is it, exactly, that you’re supposed to pay attention to? You simply bring your awareness to the present moment, to where gap—between the past and future moments. In this spot of nowness, you’re aware of the thoughts and feelings that come and go, and the colors, sounds, and scents of the world around you.
You can be mindful anywhere—when you’re out walking in a park or shopping at the mall, cooking dinner for your family or watching TV. You can be alone or in a crowd, happy or sad, arguing with your roommate or laughing with an old friend. You can be mindful whenever you have a thought or feeling—which is pretty much all the time.
Being mindful is not very difficult once you get used to doing it. It gradually becomes a habit that replaces the habit of mind less ness—forgetfulness, or spacing out. In the beginning, it’s helpful if you can spend a little time by yourself getting familiar with this simple way of training your mind, also known as the mindfulness practice.
OMTIMES: Many people are writing and speaking about the benefits of meditation –– not just to make ourselves calmer but also to improve our health and productivity. If you want to work with your emotions, do you need to meditate, too?
Dzogchen Ponlop Rinpoche: When you need to let go of emotional disturbances, the practice of meditation can be especially helpful. Although we tend to think of meditation as being only a mental practice, it’s also physical. It works with both the breath and our physical posture.
(Detailed instructions for meditation are included in the book, in a section called “Exercises and Pointers.”)
Whether you’re exercising, doing yoga, meditating, or simply remembering to pause a moment, breathe, and relax—it’s important to continue to stay mindful and aware of your experiences of both your body and your mind. While releasing emotional energy tied up in the body, stay connected to your experience of mind. Otherwise, physical exercise just becomes another way of distracting yourself from your emotions.
