How To Release Unhealthy Relationships
by Lynn Zambrano
How do we release unhealthy relationships?
Why do we attract them in the first place? We attract people into our lives to act as mirrors. They reflect our beliefs about the world and ourselves.
Why we attract the ‘same ole thing’ in new packaging…
Often beliefs limit us or leave us stuck playing a role, such as the victim for example. When we are ready to step out of those belief systems we must address the emotion and thoughts contained in them. An example of a victim belief would be: the perspective of “something happened to me”.
There is a difference between actual events in which we have experienced a trauma, and holding the belief of victim, which feels helpless and accepts no self-responsibility. We have a choice in the matter of belief, and we will become stuck in a helpless state when we don’t recognize this.
When our mind is stuck in fear and desperation we have no sense of empowerment. The key to collapsing beliefs is looking at the situation, becoming aware of the negative labels, judgments and thoughts which spin the story of “victim”, then beyond into the emotion powering this whole belief. What are we really feeling? Low self-esteem, unworthiness, fear?
We need to honor and gain awareness of the underlying emotion. Let’s allow ourselves to experience and then to release our feelings. Then we are able to reconnect, reground and collapse that story line. Thought patterns shift and re-frame the positives in life, which turns energy around. We liberate ourselves from the burden of negativity. Circumstances become an opportunity for change and growth.
Where are the boundary lines?
There are two aspects to this, first let’s look at sense of self. Where do I start and stop? Many people are gaining heightened sensitivities, becoming highly sensitive persons.
When we become highly sensitive people, our boundaries become soft, we flow in and out of ourselves and connect with others energetically. We may perceive emotions that don’t originate from us. This can cause us to claim an emotion and start to build a story around them when it’s not even ours. It’s not necessary to do this, and it causes suffering.
When we perceive an emotion, pause and ask, where is this coming from? If it is not ours then we simply acknowledge it, feel it and let it pass right through us, like wind through a tree.
Second, let’s look at how we are holding space. Are we acting from a strong sense of self-respect, self-love, and self-worth? Can we say no? When we feel that we can’t say no, are we playing the martyr role? When we set healthy boundaries we are choosing love. Why? It’s all a projection from within, and when we love ourselves we no longer choose what does not mirror that for us. Thus any relationships we have that are unhealthy must go.
Conscious re-direction….
Once we choose love, then the old patterns and relationships that are contrary must discontinue. How do we accomplish that? There are two ways we might consider: simply withdraw, or by direct communication.
When we withdraw we no longer give the relationship attention or time. With no energy maintaining it, it withers. If the other person does not let it go and continues to pursue it, then we may need to communicate with them directly. When we end a relationship directly, we must have an honest conversation about why we can no longer maintain the relationship.
Most people find direct communication difficult. Wishing to avoid conflicts, we may be tempted to continue unhealthy patterns of behavior. This would not support us, it would keep us limited and the belief system that needs to collapse will remain. Try decreasing the energy and time spent in these relationships, until the other person gets the message or it just fizzles out.
The empowered position of self-love & value…
When we maintain unhealthy relationships we are attacking ourselves. We allow others to dis-empower, to de-value and reinforce the belief of “unlovable” or “unworthy”.
When we choose love, thoughts shift, relationships are transformed and how we relate to the world changes. We ripple out and affect others – much like the rippling effect of water – our love within is sensed by others who are in direct contact with us. It then ripples through to the people that come into contact with them as well. Thus our love affects the collective consciousness and begins to shape the world. We are becoming the change we want to see in the world.
About the Author
Lynn Zambrano shares what she has learned with highly sensitive people. Learn how to identify and bring balance to energy and emotions and feel more joy and peace. Visit her at LynnZambrano.com.
