How to Give the Benefit of the Doubt Without Getting Screwed
Giving the Benefit of the Doubt?
Providing people the benefit of the doubt is an important part of living compassionately, spiritually, and mindfully. Yet, those of us who actively provide this often find ourselves tricked, lied to, and taken advantage of. Discovering a way to balance this compassion with self-preservation is important.
If we are taken advantage of repeatedly, we are almost certainly going to feel our compassion towards all people wane. We could become distrusting, withdrawn, and even hurtful towards others, assuming they are just waiting to hurt us back. For these reasons and many more, actively preventing others from walking over us and our kindness is vital. It is an act of self-love to take care of ourselves in this way. It is also an act of love towards others when we preserve the ability to remain kind.
Step 1: Knowing Where to Draw the Line
The first step in providing the benefit of the doubt without being taken advantage of is by knowing where our limits lie. A healthy part of any relationship is to have clearly defined limits. Where we draw the line may vary on an individual basis. But, reflecting on what is an automatic cut-off, what damages the relationship, and what is just a minor mistake, helps us understand how to address conflicts when they arise.
Once we know our limits, it becomes much easier to communicate them to others. Then, if someone is aware of a huge grievance of ours and still chooses to cross that line, we can easily put up a protective boundary. We had already provided the benefit of the doubt when we initially explained the boundary. We do not need to always provide another one.
Of course, we may choose to provide a second chance, depending on our relationship to the person and what we know about their situation. If they say they weren’t aware of such a boundary and we sense genuine honesty in their words, we may open a healthy discussion where we both discuss our experiences and apologize for misunderstandings. Through this conversation, we can clarify our boundaries and deepen our empathy for the other.
Step 2: Combining Empathy and Accountability
Most people react harmfully out of fear, pain, or grief. When we empathize with others, we can often sense where they are coming from. We understand exactly why we should give them the benefit of the doubt. This makes it easier to discern if we want to flex our limits or keep them as a hard line. If our friend said something especially cruel, but we realize later that they had just heard their childhood friend had passed away, we might feel more forgiving.
No matter what the person experienced that led them to acting in a hurtful fashion, we still have a right to hold them accountable. Even when someone is upset, it doesn’t mean it was correct for them to walk over us. It is still important to make sure they are holding themselves accountable too. If they brush off any hurts with an excuse or reason, they demonstrate that the pain we experienced because of their actions does not matter much to them. If they share they are truly apologetic and want to atone, even if they had a valid reason for lashing out, this is a great sign they are genuinely dedicated to the health of our relationship with them.
Step 3: Taken Advantage? Be Mindful of Your Own Needs
Each relationship we are in has its own nuances and each conflict will have its particular challenges. There is no one way to prevent others from taking advantage of us while providing a compassionate understanding towards others. However, these key points will help us remain closer to a healthy place of balance.
Remember, it is always our right to set a boundary and decide who is in our lives. We say how they interact with us and provide compassion as freely as we alone wish to. With an ability to honor ourselves and our needs, we make sure our joy is just as much of a priority as the happiness of those around us. Thus, we will prevent ourselves from being taken advantage of while remaining loving, giving, and filled with light.
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