Judith Orloff: The Empath’s Survival Guide

VICTOR FUHRMAN: What about noise levels?

JUDITH ORLOFF: Empaths are very noise-sensitive. They cannot stand loud noises, they cannot stand yelling, and they cannot stand talking too much or abrupt noises. They have increased “startle” responses, so little things will make the whole body shake. I could walk on the street, and if the traffic light is making some sort of weird beeping noise, it will scare me because it goes right up and down my system. Empaths do not have the same filters that other people have. People who are not empaths have different defenses and are more guarded. I do not want those defenses, personally, because I love my empath self. I have learned how to really work with it, so I am not drained, and I can flourish in my gifts. But it takes a lot of practice. It is a skill.

 

VICTOR FUHRMAN: What professions would empaths be comfortable in?

JUDITH ORLOFF: Empaths make great artists and musicians. They are great at working at home. There is a chapter in the book on empaths and work, which I think is practical for people regarding the best and worst jobs for empaths. So, working at home or having a home office, as opposed to being in a corporate setting which has a lot of office politics that empaths cannot handle.

Anything to do with the helping professions is wonderful. Clergy, hospice, psychiatry, psychology, massage therapy, acupuncture, veterinary, and the whole gamut of the service professions are so important. There is another section in the book on how empath healthcare professionals can keep their center and be able to give without taking on the animal’s pain or the other person’s pain. It is a skill set.

 

VICTOR FUHRMAN: So how do we turn off the sponge effect? What tips or exercises do you recommend in your book and to patients to close the pores of the sponge so that they are effective and compassionate without absorbing?

JUDITH ORLOFF: Number one, keep breathing, because breathing circulates out all kinds of stress and negative energy. The breath is sacred prana, so you want to keep breathing and breathe out the negative energy. If you, start feeling pain in your body when you are talking to someone, and you suspect it is somebody else’s pain, breathe it out. Do not panic; breathe it out, and that will help the process of getting it out of your system.

Then, if you are talking to someone you suspect you are picking up stuff from, you could move 20 feet away just to test it out. Because then you are outside of the realm of their energy field, and most likely the symptoms will dissipate at that point if you step away from what is disturbing you. Also, limit physical contact with people. You know, hugs are a choice. If you exchange energy when you hug, when you touch, when you look at someone deep in the eyes, it is all an energy exchange so be discriminating.

I also love the shower meditation, which is getting in the shower and just feeling the element of water washing all the negativity, all the stress, whatever has clung to you inside or out during the day, just washing it away. Also, learning to visualize and cutting a cord between you and other people who are not healthy.

If you feel like you are too connected with someone’s physical or emotional state, visualize a cord of light extending from your belly to theirs, and then lovingly set the intention to cut the cord to their discomfort. You are not severing the connection with the person entirely, only with the unpleasant energy that they carry. So, visualize taking up a pair of scissors and cutting the cord between you and the unwelcomed energy of the person.

 

VICTOR FUHRMAN: What about things like gemstones? I know a lot of people use black tourmaline as a protective device.

JUDITH ORLOFF: I have five or six stones just in a formation on my nightstand. I have obsidian and some shells, but the obsidian is very powerful for me. Holding black obsidian grounds me. I think people must experiment with gemstones and see how they feel. The way to tell if a stone is grounding for you is to just hold one.

 

VICTOR FUHRMAN: Why is it that an empath has such a hard time with self-esteem?

JUDITH ORLOFF: They are always taught to be ashamed of their sensitivities, especially boys, who are called sissies and are weak and not embraced by the other boys who are going to all these sports events and playing video games. Empathic boys do not like those kinds of things. They do not like loud noises, and they do not like big crowds, so they are kind of put down.<

You know, girls less so, but still girls are not empowered. School teachers are not empowering them for being sensitive. They may be not as ashamed as boys, but it is hard growing up as an empath in western society, because our values are so over-intellectualized. So, that is why I feel so passionate about giving empaths a safe place to express themselves and be and learn. And this book, hopefully, will help them do that. Also, there is a section in the book about how to set up empath support groups in your area.

 

VICTOR FUHRMAN: You also have an empath support group on Facebook, correct?

JUDITH ORLOFF: I have an empath support group on Facebook with over 7,000 empaths. It is just a place for empaths to talk about the challenges and triumphs of their empath journey.

 

VICTOR FUHRMAN: Why do empaths have a difficulty with boundaries?

JUDITH ORLOFF: Empaths merge with others because they do not have boundaries; because everything is oozing with everything else if they do not have the boundaries. Part of the toolkit of being an empath is learning how to set clear boundaries with people and being able to know yourself from another person. To know the difference between you and another person and learn to say “no.” “No” is a complete sentence.

To say “No, I cannot do that,” or “Could you please lower your voice as yelling is very painful for me?” Also, to state your needs; just say “I am sorry, I have made plans tonight,” or “I am too tired and just want to stay home and take a bath.” To be able to be brave enough to break a plan, even though you are disappointing someone, so that you can practice self-care. So, all those boundaries are so important. To say “No, this is not okay with me.” “No, you have to talk to me in a respectful tone of voice otherwise I am leaving.”

 

VICTOR FUHRMAN: Judith, how is it that empaths relate to people who have narcissistic personalities?

JUDITH ORLOFF: Well, empaths and narcissists tend to have a toxic attraction to one another. There is a section in the book on combating this. Narcissists are the number one energy vampire for empaths. The reason that empaths are attracted to narcissists is that they could be charming and loving, and sexy and funny, and seemingly empathic in the beginning, and they get hooked in by that.

Then, of course, narcissists do not have empathy; they have what is called an empathy deficient disorder meaning that they do not have empathy. They become cold and withholding and punishing if you do not do exactly what they want you to do. So, then you’re in love with them, or you are in a relationship with them, and you cannot get out because you are so hooked in. Then the narcissists are so attracted to empaths because empaths are giving and loving and understanding and they want to please and all that. Narcissists love that. They love to feed on that. So, empaths beware. I would suggest if you are suspecting someone is a narcissist to give them the Narcissist Quiz in the book and make sure that they are not.

 

VICTOR FUHRMAN: In your book, we had mentioned it lists many types of empaths. You had talked about earth empaths and animal empaths. What are the other types of empath?

JUDITH ORLOFF: There are plant empaths who have a natural attraction to plants and trees and flowers. They can intuitively connect with the needs of the plants and trees and flowers and communicate with their spirits. They often have a green thumb, and they can grow plants, and just have a wonderful relationship with plants and replenish themselves amongst nature, among the living things. Then there are also mediumship empaths. These people can communicate with people and animals and spirits on the other side because empaths do not have the same filters that other people have. They do not have the same filters between this world and the next. So, for some empaths, it is just a natural talent. As children, they heard deceased loved ones. As adults, they just have a very natural connection to the other side.

Also, there are dream empaths. Dream empaths regularly have vivid dreams that they remember, an experience that usually starts in childhood. You are attracted to the dream world if you are a dream empath. You look forward to going to sleep every night so you can dream, and I am one of such empaths, so I love dreaming. The first thing I do every morning is to remember my dreams and write them down in my dream journal so I can know what to do. They are guiding me. I had a dream the other night about something called mythic prayer. I heard the words mythic prayer, and I do not even know totally what it means, but I put feeling into it, and it is so beautiful.

 

VICTOR FUHRMAN: It sounds beautiful. A lot of people have a tendency to compare empaths to highly sensitive people. What is the difference between someone who is truly empathic and someone who is highly sensitive?

JUDITH ORLOFF: Well, sometimes there is an overlap. Highly sensitive people have mainly the sensory elements, meaning they are sensitive to loud noise, to bright lights, scratchy clothes, to a lot of commotion and they need a lot of alone time to refuel. But highly sensitive people are a little bit lower on the empathic spectrum than empaths. Empaths take it even farther.

They might have all the sensory elements that I mentioned. But they absorb energy and emotions and physical symptoms from others into their own bodies. Highly sensitive people do not necessarily do that. And the empaths I was talking about, the plant empath, the mediumship empath, the earth empath, that is way beyond highly sensitive. That has to do more with an intuitive, deeply empathic connection with the universe and nature, which is not usually associated with highly sensitive. But you can be an empath and be a highly sensitive person at the same time.

 

VICTOR FUHRMAN: In your book, you use the term, “emotional contagion.” What is that, and how does it affect empaths?

JUDITH ORLOFF: Well, it is a very interesting phenomenon that in part explains why someone is an empath. Emotional contagion is when you are in an office and somebody comes in that is extremely anxious. That anxiety spreads across the workplace like a virus, so everybody is anxious. But empaths can feel this kind of emotional contagion even if it is not as extreme as intense anxiety. An empath might feel fear, an empath might feel trepidation, and an empath might feel the incredible joy that is being spread. There is positive contagion, which is that all the positive, compassionate, loving emotions can spread like wildfire amongst people as can the more destructive or difficult emotions. An empath is highly attuned to emotional contagion.

 

VICTOR FUHRMAN: You also talk about “emotional hangovers.” What are they and how can they be avoided?

JUDITH ORLOFF: Well, empaths often get emotional hangovers, and this is the lingering residue after you have been in a crowded, intense, social situation where you feel that all the emotions of the people there are lingering in you, like a hangover. It feels terrible. It feels just like you are carrying around a bunch of other people’s stuff. So, it is important to deal with it immediately.

 

Connect with Dr. Judith Orloff at drjudithorloff.com

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