The Pitfalls of On-Demand Dating

Have you ever found yourself going to an event where you feel like you are obligated to bring a date? On-demand dating can be more trouble than it is worth.

On-Demand Dating, Summer Romances, and Their Pitfalls

Summer is in full swing, and lots of singles are starting to stress out about not having a date for that summer wedding, pool party or family reunion. For many people, it’s awkward to show up solo at these types of events. It’s stressful not knowing that there will be at least one person at the party who they can talk to.

Showing up alone at a big event can make a person feel like everyone’s staring, wondering why you’re the only single there. You could feel embarrassed, maybe even like a bit of a loser. Some people can be pushed to take desperate measures. These individuals might not be interested in starting a relationship, but they’re super-keen to find a date for their upcoming summer events.

Fortunately for these desperate individuals, all they have to do is click or swipe on their favorite online site and bingo, they’re set up with a suitable date for the backyard barbecue or the banquet hall reception.

Think of it as on-demand dating. An individual has a specific need, they check out what’s available, and they choose from the most attractive options. It’s online shopping, but for people.

When it comes to on-demand dating, the person looking for a date has only one thing in mind: to avoid the unpleasantness and/or embarrassment of showing up to their summer events unaccompanied. Since they aren’t looking for an actual relationship, they’re not interested in getting to know the other person on any meaningful level. And the expiry date for such an arrangement would be at the latest, Labor Day weekend.

The person being chosen as the on-demand date is in an awkward situation. More often than not, the individual who sought them out wasn’t honest about what they were looking for. This is unfair, but the on-demand dater isn’t focused on ethical concerns; they just want to avoid showing up unaccompanied to the summer parties. They’re not going to be upfront if it means narrowing down the pool of available options.

Here’s how on-demand dating works: If the first event goes well, the on-demand dater will bring their new companion to all their remaining summer events. They’ll attend the weddings, reunions and pool parties, with one of them thinking that they’re building a real romance. What a shock it will be for this person when they’re summarily discarded as soon as the sun sets on that last long weekend.

You might think that on-demand dating is a rare occurrence, but in fact, it’s become rather common. If you don’t want to end up being dumped when party season is over, here’s a tip for avoiding this type of arrangement.

Assume that you’ve been chosen as someone’s on-demand summer romance if the first or second date happens to be for a big event. If your new friend is all excited about taking you to a June wedding or a July barbecue, you’re safe to assume that you’re only along for the ride. You can expect the “relationship” to be over by the time you’re ready to pack away your summer shoes.

Sad to say, this has become the era of transactional interactions. By this I mean that many folks out there are seeing other people as commodities; objects for their consumption rather than human beings to care about, respect and treat with consideration.

Something has shifted in the human psyche, and we’re less inclined to seek out intimate connections and more inclined to view other people regarding what they might offer us. It’s sad because this leads to empty, meaningless interactions where nobody gets what they want.

Aside from dehumanizing the person chosen as an on-demand summer date, it’s fundamentally dishonest. Who really wants to start a new relationship, only to discover that they were being used, essentially, as an unpaid escort? It’s unfair and immoral to take advantage of someone for the summer, only to dump them when party season winds down.

If the couple is sleeping together, it makes it even creepier. The on-demand dater figures, “Why not enjoy all the perks of this summer romance?” The other person is thinking, “I’m starting a serious relationship!”

In my mind, on-demand dating is a lose-lose proposition. The person seeking an on-demand summer romance wants a suitable “object” to exploit. The sad truth is that the on-demand dater fails to discover what a great person their summer date is. They miss out on getting to know someone who might actually make them feel happy and fulfilled.

The person being chosen as the on-demand date has been reduced to the status of a fun summer hat. I can’t imagine how this could be good for their self-esteem, or how it will make them feel about venturing into romantic territory again, come September.

A person should be more valuable than an accessory, but on-demand summer romance reduces the other person to that status: fun to use for the season and easily discarded in the fall. Everybody loses, though, when we see other human beings as things to consume rather than individuals with whom to form meaningful connections. On-demand dating might be convenient for some, but it’s not good for anyone.

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About the Author

Marcia Sirota MD FRCP(C) is a board-certified psychiatrist, that does not ascribe to any one theoretical school. Rather, she has integrated her education and life experiences into a unique approach to the practice of psychotherapy. She considers herself a realist with a healthy measure of optimism. Sign up here for her free monthly wellness newsletter.