Are We Trapped in Our Own Expectations?
Everything in life cannot meet our expectations. In the intelligent patterns of the creative universe, we are unique in our place and have a unique role to play in the larger drama of life. The scriptwriter is our mind. The director is unknown. The projection is continual on the screen of our mind. We react, we laugh, we cry, we manifest all shades of emotion through which we see the self-created movie of our own life. The need is to create a good, satisfying script. But as we go through the pages of our own life story, we find that our instant reactions and emotions have not brought us happy feelings but robbed our heart’s peace.
~~ Bodhi Shuddhaanandaa (formerly Shuddhaanandaa Brahmachari)
Are You Trapped by Your Expectations
Writing a Blessed Life Script
Sometimes, things do hurt us inside. How do we overcome our reactive chatter about these hurts? Is it to drop all expectations about how others treat us?
One of the simple practices in the path to peace is to be very mindful about our natural tendency to find fault with others. This happens for each one us have our tendencies (samskaras) and conditioning. It is only when we see something that contradicts our expectations, deep within we feel stress, an unpleasant state of mind; our reactions in most cases are instant. Hence, enlightened masters always tell us not to find fault with others, for in the process, we only lose our credibility to grow in consciousness.
The Long Journey from Reaction to Pure Witnessing
We cannot instantly stop our mind’s patterns of expectations! It is a long journey. Instead, we start living each day being more available to the moment, and whenever hurt related thoughts appear on the screen of the mind, we just step back, pause, and become aware of all our reactions or judgments! The goal is not to fight or negate these thoughts. Just our flame of awareness, our very witnessing the thoughts will create the gap to allow those feelings to fade away without our deliberate effort to do it.
Our need to make everything someone else’s fault will gradually diminish as the light of awareness increases through our regular practice. We come to see the other person through different glasses, we see their helplessness, or weakness, or difficulties or even see a deeper message. When are we hurt? When our expectations are challenged. When our conditional rut is threatened, the whole purpose of meditation and mindfulness is to wake up to the need of being unconditional and mindful. The more mindful we are, the less the need for us to be vocal about the other’s fault.
Being True to Our Self
If our expectations are unreasonable, that is when we feel the pain the most. Days come, days go, pleasant and unpleasant situations occur. We are all at some point on a rollercoaster. Some days are tougher at home or work; technology can help, but it binds us too. Yes, extremes of anything are poisonous; walk the path of moderation in expectations about others. As long as we are working from the plane of mundane consciousness, we will do things for others and have expectations, and at some point, of time feel exhausted and at times cheated. These are tricks of our ego. But if we learn to be true to our Self, true to our own consciousness, we will not stretch beyond a certain point lest we lose balance and overdue.
If we are expecting gratitude from others for what we did for them, then we are heading for unhappiness. It is not like a man to be grateful. Happy people are the ones who find happiness in helping others and find joy in giving without the tag of expectations. Difficult? Well, isn’t it painful to live with complaints and frustrations? If we are seeking happiness, then we can find that in living a life story of fewer complaints and more appreciation. People avoid the company of those who are always complaining and love those who are positive and sharing the beauty of life!
Creating Positive Vibrations with our Presence
Therefore, let’s avoid words of complaining. Even if things are not up to our expectations, it’s best to try to create positive vibrations with our presence and good words. What is the use of complaining, we are here to add positive vibrations, not to intensify the existing negative situations of life. Be a positive force; stand firm with conviction that loves alone is the invincible power on earth. Be the harbinger of love and peace. Spirituality is the culture of the soul to flower into that sublime love that knows to give beyond expectations. When our heart expands in such love, we live our life on our own right!!
It is not what other people do to us or give us that should decide our happy or unhappy life story. Today we need to celebrate the very act of giving, sharing. Give joy and happiness to others without any expectations; give a few good words, compassionate forgiveness and some uplifting, positive stories, do something to light up another soul, and the script of our life will be truly blessed in return!
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About the Author
Bodhi Shuddhaanandaa (formerly Shuddhaanandaa Brahmachari, India): Globally acclaimed spiritual teacher of meditation and mindfulness, author, and visionary social advocate; founded Lokenath Divine Life Mission, 1985, which serves thousands of poverty-stricken individuals. Received Lifetime Achievement Award, House of Lords, UK, 2015.
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