Tackle Your Relationship Issues from the Inside Out
Do not try to fix the person who is causing you pain. He or she is external. The relationship issue, or the cause of the problem, is not with him or her.
Deal With the Source of Your Relationship Issues
Relationship issues can create very painful situations. They are the manifestation of a deeper issue, like a migraine that bothers you whenever you are stressed. If you want to cure the pattern of the migraine, however, you don’t do it by taking painkillers. You go to a specialist who, after thorough investigation, can find the cause of the migraine and help you cure it.
If you have someone in your life you love dearly, yet he or she is hurting you, it is a symptom. You need to dive within to find the cause. You have had similar situations, possibly many of them, before. If you do not find time to look within for the cause of the pattern, you will create others. Someone will always come along to repeat the pattern.
Most often, these situations relate to your childhood. Maybe your parents could not inspire you with the self-confidence that grows with appreciation and love. Maybe they could not help you build the inner strength of trust in yourself. Maybe there were situations of ill-treatment or abuse in early childhood or adolescence. You grew up with them. They became your deep-seated, unconscious psychological patterns. Maybe you have already realized the pattern causing your relationship issues. You have surely never fully realized the unconscious ways in which you set yourself up to repeat it. It grew through your continual participation, however. Due to unconsciousness, it grew like a wild weed multiplying in your backyard.
Keep in mind that what comes to us in the form of our near and dear ones, or in the material dimension, does not come by accident. An element of choice, however hidden, is involved. Consciously or unconsciously we are the victims of our own thoughts. We are victims because it is the thought that precedes any emotion or action.
Look back. See your own thoughts, how they reinforce themselves and how you express them. You discover that certain thoughts have grown in your mind like weeds due to your unconsciousness. Initially, they were isolated thoughts. Then they established roots in your mind. Eventually, they created their own repetitive patterns of expectation and belief, intensifying energy and response. Then they began attracting situations according to the law of attraction. “Like attracts like”. The situation that you see today was born long ago, in your own mind, through your own thought patterns.
Do not try to fix the person who is causing you pain. He or she is external. The relationship issue, or the cause of the problem, is not with him or her. The remedy is within you. You need to wake up to realize that most of the relationship issues you have did not happen suddenly. They are not one-sided. Your expectations, your actions and reactions, your trust and distrust, your love and hate, and most of all your deep-seated negativity, have their own role to play in the whole dynamic.
If you feel that you have been clean from your side, most supportive and positive, and the unhealthy patterns persist despite that, the seed of this discontent could be one of your past debts. We all bring such seeds forward along with us from our past births. They offer lessons to deepen the life of our souls. In that case, you have to work it out with patience and perseverance, with compassion and love. If you can do that and leave things to the Higher Intelligence of the Universe, then you will gradually pay the debt. Either the person will change for the better, or you will move on in life without any regrets and attachments. You will no longer complain in your mind about that person. That is the test, whether the past debt has been paid or not. If it is paid, you are free from pain or hurt feelings. If it is not paid, you will try to fix it and expect the other person to change, and hurt yourself in the process.
For every strained relationship or relationship issue in life, don’t jump out to search for the wrong in the other. Blame will never solve the riddle of your life. Sincerely turn within. Watch your mind.
That is why there is a need for meditation and breathing practices. They will help you to go within and to cleanse from within. They create space within you to attract higher thoughts. With repetition those thoughts create their own roots within you, allowing new patterns in your mind to attract wonderful situations and sweeter relationships. Create an inner space for the best to come to you in life. Emptying the garbage of the mind, de-cluttering the mind, is the first job. Once you do that, relationships at home and at work, in your community and family, will all gradually take a positive turn to fill you with joy and celebration.
If you are desirous of seeing a change in others, initiate the process by changing your mental patterns. At the moment your vision is corrected, you will see the change.
Most people spend their lives blaming others for all their unhappiness and failures. That only shows your weakness to others. Your true strength is in your positive power of thought and emotion. Your true strength is when you can see that all is well.
Healthy is the state of our being in the right balance, not only with ourselves but also with all that is around us. That allows us to taste the real nectar of life. You have surely experienced that, whenever you were healthy in body and mind, your relationships with your family, colleagues and the external universe all changed.
Once you start practicing regular exercises, particularly working with your breath, you will start feeling a change in the balance of your body-mind. This is a good time to start meditating. Going into simple relaxation, you can just be silent, watching your own thoughts, more fully observing your body’s unique sensations and pulsations, being with the rhythm of your own energy, the rhythm of the breath.
Nothing comes overnight to us. If you can do this for at least 15 days, you will see that you are not so easily agitated. That is because if you were angry and frustrated, the cause was never EXTERNAL. The cause is the imbalance of our psychosomatic self. Once those organic, glandular, cellular, molecular, atomic, subatomic, quantum levels of your existence go through a transformation, you will realize that you are the Celebration. Peace and joy were never separate from you. Your involvement and attachment, your short-sightedness, did not allow you to read the messages from the Universe, which is giving you another chance to discover that you are not the SITUATIONS in your life. You are the Master of your situations.
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Just start working with your own vital energy and give a little time to your body-mind. Give yourself a Valentine, the self-love and self-care you deserve, and the gift of a clear, positive, friendly mind. If you would like to try Conscious Dating and want to connect with a community of like-minded souls on the same path as you, visit: http://AscendingHearts.com
About the Author
Bodhi Shuddhaanandaa (formerly Shuddhaanandaa Brahmachari, India): Globally acclaimed spiritual teacher with 40 years of meditation experience, author, and visionary social advocate; founded Lokenath Divine Life Mission, 1985, which serves thousands of poverty-stricken individuals. Received Lifetime Achievement Award, House of Lords, UK, 2015.
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