How to Free Yourself of the False Need to Control Life
Learn to free yourself of the virus of negativity and stop wasting your essence in a futile attempt to control life.
Free Yourself of the Need to Control
In this time of the pandemic, many people are fearful, and one of the ways that fear manifests itself is by trying to control things.
Now, we may be able to temporarily control an unwanted moment either by avoiding it or by trying to change the person or the condition. But our efforts do nothing to change the fact that we will meet that moment or one just like it again and again and again. We have to because we haven’t yet understood something significant:
We cannot separate the moment we don’t want from the level of consciousness that fears it. That level of consciousness is the part of us that sees the moment and interprets what is happening and what it means through the filter of our past. That self will always produce fear and panic anytime events challenge the conditions that support our self-images.
New Tools for Meeting the Challenge We Face Today
Now we’re going through a situation that is challenging much of the outer structure by which we’ve known ourselves. We may try to control it by having opinions of what others should do, or trying to understand what seems incapable of being understood, or trying to push away the fear. It seems natural. After all, if we didn’t try to control it, what would we do?
But we can see that trying to control the panic doesn’t work. We’re still in fear, still turning anxiously to the news, wondering if our horde of paper towels or frozen pizza will last us through this ordeal. And we always worry about what kind of world will meet us when we emerge back into it.
A Special Practice for Meeting the Moment
Spiritually, here is something we need to understand: the fear of being overwhelmed by fear is what has kept us full of fear. When we begin to see that our fear of being overwhelmed by fear or emptiness is, in fact, the continuation of that fear and emptiness, then we may be willing to try an experiment that I call “fall forward.”
It means I will agree to enter the moment consciously, not pushing anything away, not trying to control anything, but just letting myself be overwhelmed. I’m not going to step in and save myself. I’ve done it a million times and I can see I’ve never saved myself. So this time I’m going to let something else show me who I am and what this moment is really all about.
We may stagger and fail at this at first. We may fall. But each time we do, we will learn more about ourselves and the fearful nature. That is progress so that while we may fall, we fall forward.
A Helpful Revelation about Control
There’s an expression I like to use: the feel is real, but the why is a lie. In this case, the feeling of fear is real, but then why is a lie. It’s not that we’re not in a challenging situation, to say the least. But the fear that overwhelms us is coming from the scary pictures our own minds are creating.
The only way I’ll ever discover the truth of this is by agreeing, as best I can at the moment when I feel overwhelmed, to bear as consciously as I scan the entire content of myself – all the self-concern and all the fears I’ve carried all my life and projected onto events.
That self is being revealed because of this crisis that is actually a Revelation Factor. If I can see and understand that, I will be released from that false nature accordingly. And to the extent that I’m capable of bearing myself, of seeing myself, I gain inner health I cannot gain otherwise.
The toll this virus is taking is nothing compared to the toll of the negativity that has consumed humanity from the beginning of time and has produced the very conditions we’re now fighting. We don’t want to be a part of either the coronavirus or the negative virus of fear, greed, and aggressively trying to control things that we never can.
The virus of negativity will weaken and die if we will die psychologically, spiritually, to the self that keeps it alive. Then we’ll actually be free of the virus of negativity and have no need to waste our essence in futile attempts to control life.
As a final word, here’s something to remember when you feel overwhelmed: Do what is in your power and refuse to do what is not. If you follow that, you will be in the right relationship with life and will be strengthened by every circumstance you meet.
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About the Author
Guy Finley is an internationally renowned spiritual teacher and bestselling self-help author. He is the Founder and Director of Life of Learning Foundation, a nonprofit center for transcendent self-study located in Merlin, Oregon. He also hosts the Foundation’s Wisdom School — an on-line self-discovery program for seekers of higher self-knowledge. During the coronavirus pandemic, Guy is live-streaming three talks a week. Each talk is followed by a Question-and-Answer session with the audience. These talks are free to anyone who wants to join in. To register, visit www.guyfinley.org/online. 
