Iyanla Vanzant: Thought Therapy
Sandie Sedgbeer: One of the biggest things that we have to contend with when we’re trying to bring about change is what you call DNTP’s, the dominant, negative thought patterns.
Iyanla Vanzant: I had so many dominant, negative thought patterns. I call them DNTP’s, because if you do not neutralize, eliminate, negate the dominant, negative thought patterns, when new stimuli, new information, or new experiences come in. At the same time, we may have a conscious thought, and an underlying DNTP will rise to the surface.
The way you identify your dominant, negative thought patterns is by your self-talk, the things you say in your mind. Oh my God, here they go again. Why me? What now? These are all self-taught messages that reveal our dominant, negative thought patterns. Unless we neutralize or eliminate that negative thought pattern, you can affirm and pray all you want. It will continue to rise and short-circuit or undercut the new information thought energy that you’re trying to put in.
Sandie Sedgbeer: Yes. You identify 42 common DNTP’s, and you break them down into three key elements. Tell us about that.
Iyanla Vanzant: There’s a whole series of thought patterns. There are DNTP’s that are associated with ‘not being good enough,’ and then ‘not enough,’ which is different from not good enough. I’m not enough. I can’t satisfy or fulfill. A major category is, I don’t matter. I’m not important. So, what I’ve done over the years of coaching and counseling in my practice is to listen to those first three or four words that come out of people’s mouths and they can begin to identify the core beliefs and the dominant, negative thought pattern and the unconscious thought that most likely fills their mind before they’re able to make a choice or decision. Throughout my life, I’ve been very observant and always taken notes. Why did you do that, Iyanla? Why do you think that, Iyanla? Iyanla, what do you feel? This has been my habitual internal dialogue. But what I did was not only ask the question within, I learned to answer it within, and to write down what I discovered.
Sandie Sedgbeer: People ask you, do we feel first, or do we think first? Our thoughts are the most challenging thing we have to deal with because they affect so much of what we do.
Iyanla Vanzant: Universally, there’s a law of cause and effect, and the cause is what happens at the invisible level, and the effect is what we see at the visible level. So, in most instances, thought is a cause because everything begins in mind. Whether it’s an article of clothing or a chair, a piece of art, or experience, everything begins in mind, which means it begins in thought. So, thought is cause at the invisible level, and then at the visible or physical level, we see an effect. It’s so very important for us to be willing to become aware of and conscious of how and what we think it happens so quickly that you have a thought and immediately attach a feeling to it. Or you have a feeling and immediately attach a thought to it. The thought is what creates, which is why understanding our DNTP’s and our self-talk is so critical to our healing and growth; so that we can begin to identify what we are attaching to that thought. What’s the feeling? Because once we have the feeling, now it’s a whole other cycle that we’re going to go through.
We have to acknowledge what we’re thinking and what we’re feeling, and then learn how to accept, because when we discover that we have a negative thought or feeling, we often go into denial and resistance, when what we really want to start doing is to become aware, fully acknowledge, and accept what we’re thinking and feeling.
Sandie Sedgbeer: You have been named one of the hundred most influential black Americans by Ebony Magazine. You were number seven on Watkins’ Mind, Body, Spirit Magazine’s list of the 100 most spiritually influential living people. In 2014, you were a co-speaker on Oprah’s “The Life You Want Weekend Tour” alongside Deepak Chopra, Mark Nepo, Elizabeth Gilbert, and, in 2016, you were among Oprah’s ‘Super Soul’s 100 List of Visionaries and Influential Leaders.’ And you’ve been called America’s greatest treasure. Not bad for a girl who grew up with the kind of upbringing you had. When you look at those statistics, what do you think? How do you feel? What’s your assessment of all that, of the person you were, and the person the world sees now?
Iyanla Vanzant: Great is God’s grace. Great is the Creator’s love for me. Great is the Divine Mother’s blessing for me. Her presence in me. Great is God’s mercy, because had I been successful in taking my own life, then the support, the help, the guidance, the assistance that so many have received from me just doing my purpose they wouldn’t have received. It was grace that saved me. It was love. It was the Divine Feminine presence, and it was my willingness to be better, do better, know better, so I don’t get into the ego part of it, I’m saying ‘Wow, great is thy mercy. Great is thy mercy.’
Sandie Sedgbeer: That’s quite an astonishing feat to remain humble with all the successes you’ve had. To stay out of ego and retain that humility and that gratitude.
Iyanla Vanzant: I stay out of ego because the purpose is such a higher calling. Grace is so much more elegant and present than pride, and gratitude is so much more rewarding than money for me.
Sandie Sedgbeer: If you had to pass on one valuable lesson to your children, to the world, what is the most important thing you’ve learned in life?
Iyanla Vanzant: Begin within. I don’t care what it is if it’s in your life, it’s in you. Begin within. Find the cause within, and you’ll understand the effect that’s showing up without.
Sandie Sedgbeer: You’ve written many books. I’ve read several. Which is your favorite?
Iyanla Vanzant: Oh, you can’t ask me that. That’s like asking a mother who is her favorite child.
Sandie Sedgbeer: I know, but we love them all in different ways, and there’s always one that we can point to and say, ‘There’s something about that one.’
Iyanla Vanzant: Well, I won’t say it’s my favorite, but it was the most difficult and most significant one that I’ve written Peace from Broken Pieces because that’s where I talk about losing my best friend and my child, Gemmia. That was the most difficult thing for me to do. It took me three years to write it, but my life wouldn’t move until I wrote it, and once I wrote it, I not only paid tribute and homage to her in a way that I think she deserved, but I learned so much about myself that took my life on a whole other trajectory. It was Peace from Broken Pieces that Oprah saw after 11 years and had me on her show. So Gemmia was still at work in my life. So, it would be that. Not that it’s my favorite, I don’t want my other ones to get upset with me, but I do think it was significant, yes.
Sandie Sedgbeer: Before we close, tell us briefly about your weekly YouTube Series.
Iyanla Vanzant: Yes, the R Spot. Every Tuesday, I put up a new video about relationships; those are our biggest classroom, learning about relationships, and how to be in them. So, if you just go to my YouTube channel, you’ll be able to see all the back episodes, and we’re in the process of creating snow.
Get Over It – Thought Therapy for Healing the Hard Stuff. www.Iyanla.com
